Here’s which Nativity character you are based on your first year Exeter Uni halls

After spending November writing essays, submitting reports or trying to find placements, I am sure the top concern for most Exeter students is now Christmas. Just as students substitute their reading for extortionately priced meals at the Exeter Christmas market, teachers in primary schools up and down the country substitute teaching plans for their directorial debuts.

Think back to your primary school days when a bunch of seven year olds suddenly became Oscar award winning actors ready to take the stage and perform a religious miracle: Jesus’ birth scene. Even though we have aged a lot since our first stage debuts, the characters we once played have remained in us somewhere. You have definitely looked at other people on campus and wondered, what role did you play in your school’s nativity? So, whether you are a first, second, third or fourth year, this is what your first year Exeter Uni hall says about the role you would play in the Nativity.

Point Exe: Background character number four

Starting off with these poor souls because it’s the only time they will ever be put first. Without these students, we would not be able to roll out of bed five minutes before lectures whilst they wake up at the crack of dawn. In another life, I would like to give these residents a better role than this, but a) it wouldn’t be honest and b) it would be out of pure pity.

East Park: Mary

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Chosen by God, Mary and East Park residents share a lot in common. These students are selected by the heavens and gifted the glory of modern furnishings, kitchen chalkboards and their own personal study space. Like Mary, they don’t have it too easy – especially if they live at the top of those dreaded stairs when stumbling back after a night out. As much as many would hate to admit it, these people are the main character and they deserve this role. 

Birks Grange Village: Joseph

Just as Joseph had to lead Mary on the Donkey to Bethlehem, these residents have to make the dreaded pilgrimage to campus daily (if they can be bothered). The people here think they are the main character, but then they realise Mary exists and has a child who you are not the biological father to. Birks is the best supporting actor for East Park; they are great in their own right, but not quite the greatest. 

New Lafrowda: The narrator

These were always the non-offensive children in school, and that’s exactly what these students are. Everyone has at least one friend in New Laf, and so they are the narrators of everyone’s Exeter experience. They mindlessly fumble their way through life and I think everyone would be lying if they said they weren’t a tiny bit jealous of them. These residents do everything for the plot and seem to have the best time treating their higher education experience as “uni” rather than “university”. 

Holland Hall: The wise men 

These residents bring gold, frankincense, myrrh and more to uni. Just as the wise men come with lavish goods to experience Jesus’ birth, these students are just at Exeter for the experience (not so much the qualification). They are notorious for using daddy’s money to go on random trips to Europe mid-term and spending all their free time sharing gossip in the law library. But, it’s okay that they don’t get much work done because “it’s not about what you know, it’s about who you know”. 

Mardon Hall: The shepherds

Mardon is the less glamorous counterpart to Holland, just as the shepherds are the less exciting wise men. We would notice if they weren’t on our stage, but these residents don’t add much.

Moberly and Duryard : The donkey

Need I say more? Students from this accommodation may find it offensive that I have grouped them together, but we need a front and back end of the donkey and frankly, it just makes sense. This role is not to say you aren’t needed. Mary couldn’t get to Bethlehem without you, just as we wouldn’t be in nice halls if you (the overflow) didn’t make these places your home. 

Old Lafrowda: The sheep 

Barnyard animals, barnyard conditions. Old Laf is notoriously grim and noisy, but the members themselves are harmless. Their main drawback is that they tend to move in a pack of shell necklaces and “gap yah” trousers, as sheep move in their herds. However, they always know how to have a good time which redeems any earlier offences. 

Penny C: King Herod 

The less spoken about character of the Nativity, but key. They aren’t Holland Hall, but they have the same old money energy. Everyone here seems to have gone to the same three private schools, and probably wouldn’t have any issue screaming “I am the King” mid production. 

Lopes Hall: The inn keeper

Does anyone who doesn’t live here actually know anyone in this accommodation? These residents have exclusive “not allowed in my inn” vibes. The only thing this hall of residence is good for are their tennis courts, just as the inn-keeper is only really good for the inn. Nothing more really needs to be said.

Northfield: The star 

Just as the other characters had to follow the yonder star, the student population seems to find themselves trekking to this accommodation due to its place right next to the Impy. If you were unlucky enough to get put off campus, this is definitely the best place to be. The people here tend to be incredibly academic as a result of their desperation to be on campus having only just missed out; they are star students. 

Rowe House: Angel Gabriel 

I’d like to say that this one is unbiased, but that would be a lie. These residents are the angels of campus. The double bed and ensuite, with the perfect balance of quiet study and going out is literally heavenly. They are near East Park and Lafrowda, so they can get involved in the action of the plot without having too much time on stage. These people are just perfect. 

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