The full Wonka experience script is in, and it’s more chaotic than we ever thought

Ever since the Glasgow Wonka fiasco went viral, all the actors who were unfortunately roped into working the event have been speaking out about their experiences.

Paul Connell, the man who played Wonka explained how he was “also scammed by this event” and how it is “one of the most embarrassing things that’s event happened to [him].” But he also spoke about the script he was given and how it was full of, well, rubbish.

He said the whole thing, which he was only given to learn the day before, was “15 pages of AI-generated gibberish” and included wild moments like where he was supposed to “vacuum up The Unknown with a giant vacuum” which didn’t exist.

Ever since then, everyone has been dying to read the full script of the chaos and well, I have some good news for you, we finally have access to the full script and it’s even better than we could ever have imagined. You can read the full thing via PDF here.

But some of the highlights include the entire section about The Unknown. It goes: “The Unknown: (with a voice both smooth and sinister) Ah, Willy McDuff and his band of intrepid explorers. You have something I desire, and with your unwitting aid, it shall be mine. The Anti-Graffiti Gobstopper will no longer clean your worlds; it will turn them to chaos at my command.”

It then even includes audience reactions: “(The audience gasps, some shifting nervously, as the Unknown scans the crowd. his gaze landing on a chosen audience member.)

“The Unknown: You there! Yes, you will assist me in acquiring this precious sweet. Together, we shall rewrite the rules of cleanliness and order!”

Sorry but what in the GCSE drama?? The way you can just tell this is ChatGPT’s finest work.

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