19 mistakes all boys are guilty of making whilst eating a girl out

Somebody lock them up for this heinous crime

4 years ago

Eating a girl out, going down on a girl, licking a girl out – it’s good for you, it’s good for the recipient, it’s good for everyone.

Until it’s not. Until there’s too much prodding, not enough rhythm and too many “are you nearly there” yets.

We’ve been as informative as possible on how to finger a girl, how to get nudes, how to touch a girl’s boobs and what turns girls on, but now men need to be educated on how to eat a girl out – mistake free.

Mistakes can happen in the bedroom – that’s fine. The main thing is we learn from these mistakes so everyone enjoys sex more.

So sit down, light a candle, and make some notes on these mistakes guy mates when eating out a girl:

1. Not using fingers at any point

God gave you 10 fingers for a reason, and that reason was to finger a girl whilst going down on her.

2. Just licking up and down, like a robot

Not only did God give you 10 fingers to use and finger with, he gave humans a tongue to not only use for speaking, but also licking out women. And this licking isn’t just a robotic up to the clit, down to the vag hole – but should be licking all over, circular motions, rapid left to right, big ol’ slow licks – you have to get into it.

3. Constantly asking “are you nearly there”

I was but now I’m not so thank you for that.

4. Not listening to her body language

If she’s not making noises or doing any positive body movements e.g. arching her back, grabbing your hair, shouting “keep doing that” etc, then sorry but you’re probably not doing something right. Ask her what she wants, or change up from your current method.

5. Commenting on the appearance of her vagina negatively

“Oh, do you not shave?”

“Your vagina is much nicer than other girls I’ve gone down on”

“It smells a bit”

“You’re hairy”

“You’ve missed a bit”

The list goes on. Essentially, unless you’re saying “you’re so wet” or “you look great”, DON’T SAY ANYTHING.

6. Licking at 100mph

Eating a girl out is not a 100m sprint, but a marathon. And like a marathon runner, you’ve got to pace yourself, and not burn out before the race is over. So you need to lick slow, building up the pace and speed of the licks gradually and in time with how she’s responding. Only towards the end when she’s near climax do you start to speed up and sprint to the finish line. The finish line her orgasming.

7. Not knowing where the clit is

Google it.

9. Only paying the clit attention

There’s a whole vagina out there pal.

10. Going down on a girl for 30 seconds and thinking that’s enough

Depending on how turned on she is will depend on how quickly she will come. News flash: girls aren’t like guys – we take much longer to come and therefore patience is necessary, as is putting some time aside during sex to properly take them time to make her come. Anyone who eats out for less than two minutes before giving up needs to go back to TRAINING.

11. Refusing to give up when clearly, climax isn’t happening

Babe, it’s not happening. Get over it, this doesn’t harm your massive ego.

12. Not taking direction

I’m telling you what to do for a reason, don’t ignore my helpful advice and assume you’re doing well.

13. Having an entire conversation while you’re down there

I mean you can if you want to but like, if you’re doing lots of talking, you ain’t doing enough licking.

14. Assuming that if you go down on us, we’ll go down on you

Never assume anything my friend, women don’t owe you shit and there may be many reasons for this.

15. Not incorporating toys

I mean mix it up, it wouldn’t hurt.

16. Assuming that all women you go down on will like the same things

Please don’t brag about what your ex used to say about your head giving skills, if she liked something, it doesn’t mean I will.

17. Thinking that oral is just foreplay to the actual intercourse, it’s not

It can be the main act, it’s not something you always do to build up to intercourse.

18. Looking like you don’t want to do it

Like no one is forcing you, please try to look a little enthusiastic if you’re actually up for it

19. Not using the tongue at all

Look, if you’re going down there to eat me out, you need to use your tongue rather than just your fingers, otherwise what’s the point in going that far down south?