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It’s time we all stopped kidding ourselves and realised that Gilmore Girls is absolute trash

Not even Melissa McCarthy could save it

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ByEllie Ring

4th May 2017, 11:08

I’m not gonna lie, before Christmas I had never seen an episode of Gilmore Girls. Ever. I was so out of the loop that whenever an episode came on TV I would rather physically get up to find the remote and change the channel than watch an episode. Like I would happily watch Big Bang Theory rather than an episode of Gilmore Girls, that is how far out of the loop I was.

But after endless lectures from all my friends about just how good this show was, I thought I’d give it a go. And if I’m honest? I’d still rather watch an episode of Big Bang Theory. Sorry. And that doesn’t mean Big Bang Theory is particularly good, because it’s not. It just means that Gilmore Girls is even worse.

And before you start shouting at your computer screen in an attempt to defend what some genuinely believe to be the best thing to watch on TV, like, ever, just hear me out. It’s literally just 153 episodes of Lorelai moaning about how much her parents don’t understand her, Emily doing something insufferable and totally upper class like hiring a new maid every Friday (because that joke didn’t get old), Rory getting a boyfriend, Rory breaking up with said boyfriend, Luke shouting about cellphones in his diner, Rory going on and on about going to Harvard (before switching and actually going to Yale, like a fucking snake), Lane hiding something from her mum, and Sookie baking something.

And there you go. I literally just described practically every single episode of Gilmore Girls. Now why did I have to watch that 153 times exactly?

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To be honest, the biggest issue with this show is Rory. She is honestly insufferable, and I say this knowing fully well that I am so like her in so many ways. She’s probably an easy heroine to look up to when you’re 12, totally obsessed with books, and the only thing you care about is getting to a good uni (literally feel like I’m describing my life) but watching for the first time when you’re 20? You realise that this early 2000’s version of feminism, where the lead character has to be “totally not like other girls, omg I don’t even like make up I am so random”, is not good enough. And also so cliche. I mean, Disney did this in the 90s did it not? There’s nothing new going on here.

And she wasn’t even that different to the other girls. Actually, no, she was exactly like all the other girls that went to her school: relying on her grandparents money whenever it was needed, spoilt, entitled, whiny, need I go on? As Logan nicely put it: “wake up Rory. Whether you like it or not, you’re one of us. You went to prep school. You go to Yale. Your grandparents are building a whole damn astronomy building in your name”.

And did everyone somehow collectively forget about the fact that Rory literally broke up a marriage? She didn’t want Dean, she chose Jess, but that didn’t stop her going straight back to Dean as soon as he’d moved on, sleep with him, ruin his marriage, and then ditch him because she was having more fun with Logan.

She was also a terrible friend to Lane, constantly ditching her whenever something more exciting was going on. Seriously, once Rory goes off to Yale (even though she spent three fucking seasons going on and on about Harvard) there is hardly any episodes when Lane and Rory have actual screen time together. She was also a bit of a dick to Paris, but Paris kinda deserved it to I’ll let her off.

Also, can we please talk about the fact that Jackson lied to Sookie about getting a vasectomy, leading to her getting pregnant with a child she made perfectly clear she didn’t want? That’s some shady behaviour right there, but to make it worse the show made it seem likeĀ Sookie was in the wrong? Because obviously there’s nothing more terrible than a woman not wanting anymore children, and asking her husband to undergo a totally Ā reversible procedure so that they didn’t have any more kids unless they both definitely decided they wanted to. Lying about having the procedure and making your wife have a baby she didn’t want is totally not as bad as that. Of course not. And this is the show that is deemed feminist because the two lead characters are women. Never mind the fact that most of their screen time was either with men, or them moaning about men.

There are so many things wrong with this show that I could go on forever, but I won’t. Instead, I’ll just sum it up: the show is bad. Rory is fucking terrible. Lorelai is just as bad (she literally ran away from her mum and lived in poverty, and found a new mum, without telling Emily where they were, all because sheĀ could be a bit insufferable. Emily was the worst, but every time this was mentioned I couldn’t help but feel so bad for her). All of the guys are basically the same person with different names. Except Jess. Jess deserved so much better, and to be honest he was the only thing that made this show even slightly tolerable.