Joe Bates
Gonville and Cauis, Music Joe 'The Master' Bates is the master debater of mass debating. Hobbies include composing and riling anarchists. Past praise includes: 'Bates is a lowdown fellow traveller with enormous political ambitions. He is also left-handed and hates goldfish. Exploit this to the hilt in all dealings with him, he is much uglier than he thinks he is.'

Escaping the City

JOE BATES doesn’t want to give in to the temptations of corporate employment.

Jeff Carpenter at the Piano

JOE BATES becomes a member of the Jeff Carpenter fan club.

We Are Cambridge 2012

Want to rewrite your past? JOE BATES shows you how with Oliver Rees’ latest contribution…

I Heart Hard Exams

JOE BATES wants harder exams. But not for him: for his little sister.

Sex-cess: Cambridge Mounts Uni Sex Poll

Cambridge has climbed to 17th on the Student Beans sex poll.

Fear Of The Rear Of The Year?

Was Rear Of The Year sexist? RUTH GRAHAM and JOE BATES discuss.

Who’s Next? Uni Bomb Hoaxes Reach Double Digits

A spate of bomb scares has rocked universities across the country.

Leaked Doc: Protestor Penalized For Piss-Poor Poetry

Owen Holland’s 30 month rustication was down to his inability to explain his own poetry.

Up The Thames Without A Paddle

JOE BATES and MICHAEL ALHADEFF consider impact of Trenton Oldfield on us, the transnational-corpo-aristocratic ruling class.

Cambridge Parkour

JOE BATES meets the mysterious men behind the King’s Parade backflips.

I Want To Sell Out

JOE BATES on why every artist should aim for the mainstream.

The Boys in the Band

It’s OK to be gay, but Culture Editor JOE BATES finds a gay play which is refreshingly about a lot more than just that.

Far From The Madding Crowd

Despite a stellar cast, JOE BATES finds this new opera a wasted opportunity.

Culture Column 1: Joe Bates

JOE BATES isn’t quite the comedian he’d hoped in the first of our Culture Column series.

Debate: The Only Limit to Female Success is Female Ambition

Culture Editor JOE BATES sees feminism triumph in the form of Katie Price. Bet you never thought you’d read that!

Don’t Reject Oxbridge

Don’t attack Oxbridge – we are not the root of the problem.

Kambar Closing Is A Loss To Us All

Culture Editor and Filthy Lucre founder JOE BATES: without Kambar, Cambridge will be a poorer and less exciting place to be.

A Day In The Life Of A Porter

JOE BATES takes a satirical look at a day in the life of a porter.

Wish You Were Here

Wish You Were Here is a risk. But a risk that JOE BATES is glad he took.

St. Matthew Passion

Despite its small size, JOE BATES is stunned by St. Matthew’s Passion

Terrible Lips

JOE BATES is not exactly sure what he’s reviewing, but is pretty sure that he likes it.

The Beauty of Sexuality / Unknown Position

JOSEPH BATES is impressed by the righteous William Marsey and horrified by the deviant opera Unknown Position.

CCMS: Savitri and The Wandering Scholar

A varied double bill from CCMS persuades JOE BATES that Victorian Orientalist opera isn’t all about the Mikado.

Britten Sinfonia

JOE BATES is puzzled by the obscurity of Simon Holt and delighted by the brilliance of the Britten Sinfonia in his first 5-star review of the term

Libor Pesek

JOE BATES is charmed by the second-language email speak of Libor Pesek, the soon to be guest conductor of CUMS 1, as he talks of his love of Czech music and the excitement of working with our student musicians.

The Marriage of Figaro

JOE BATES finds bum-pinchingly crude jokes of CUOS’s Figaro ‘most importantly very, very funny’.

Jeff Carpenter’s Dido and Aeneas

JOE BATES finds Jeff Carpenter’s Dido and Aeneas so bad it’s not even so-bad-it’s-funny.

The Rake’s Progress

JOE BATES laughed out loud at CUOS’s one dimensional Rake’s Progress, but worries it may have missed the point.


JOE BATES was blown away very quietly by Joel Rust and David Troupes’s Nauset

New Music at Kettle’s Yard

Being unable to see the ballet left JOE BATES to blindly suffer a lunchtime of musical mediocrity.

Interview: Sir Richard Armstrong

A week on from his outstanding concert, JOE BATES talks to SIR RICHARD ARMSTRONG about Cambridge students and ‘goddam stupid’ composers.

Classical Music: The Best of Lent Term

JOE BATES launches the new classical music column and tells you why Elgar’s Gerontius, the visit of Libor Pesek and an interesting marriage of Figaro and Facebook mean that Cambridge concert-goers are in for a treat.