If you like any of these things, you’re officially ‘common’ according to an Old Etonian

Right, for the past five years this Old Etonian, interior designer and descendant of Queen Victoria called Nicky Haslam has released a long and winding list of things which he considers to be “common”.  Every year, the items included seem to get more ridiculous, particularly because Nicky announces what’s on the list by printing them on tea towels he’s flogging online— something, arguably, quite common in itself.

Anyway, in case you’re bothered by what an 84-year-old socialite thinks of you, here’s a definitive list of things which are “common” in 2023, according to Nicky Haslam. And if you like any of them, you’re apparently common, too. Brb, crying into my Aperol Spritz.

1. The phrase ‘more-ish’ 

Nobody tell Jamie Oliver

2. The Northern Lights 

Because God forbid anyone would want to see a natural wonder of the world.

3. Podcasts 

Tbf, he popped off with this one. If one more man gets hold of a microphone the world might implode.

4. The phrase 110 per cent

As in, you’re giving 110 per cent.

5. Strawberries

They’re like £3 a punnet !!!

6. Choupette

Karl Lagerfeld‘s cat simply doesn’t deserve this.

7. Grieving 

Big stiff upper lip energy only.

8. Puglia 

The fashion crowd are clutching their pearls over this one.

9. Italian food

Does this man just have it in for Italy?

10. Aperol anything

Question: answered. He definitely does.

11. Your Brownies recipe 

What?

12. Petroc Trelawny 

BBC Radio 3 is done for.

14. Grayson Perry 

A visual aid:

15. Pride in grown up children 

Tell your Nana to take her praise SOMEWHERE ELSE.

16. Zoom meetings 

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17. Aliens 

Martians in the sky, notoriously unchic.

18. The Repair Shop 

19. Music 

You have got to be fucking kidding me.

20. A pop of colour 

Nicky only likes neutrals! (But you can buy his tea towels in green, lilac, red, and grey)

21. Fly-pasts 

He basically just called Captain Tom common with this one.

22. Ordering lobster

Prawns, oysters, and clams are all fine, though.

23. Bucket lists

Bold coming from a man with a common list.

24. Selling your business 

Nicky sold his business Nicholas Haslam Ltd and, in 2021, the company became embroiled in a High Court battle with an Italian heiress. So, you can see where he was going with this one.

25. Lord of the dance in church 

DAAAAAANCE THEN.

26. Needing house keys 

Leave it open, get robbed, who cares x

27. Skinny lattes 

The way he spelled this on the list appears to take particular qualms with anyone saying it in an Essex accent.

28. The crystal coffee sugar

Only Tate & Lyle for Nicky.

29. Wales family in blue 

The Royal Family’s wardrobe choices can be common. You’ve heard it all now.

30. Festivals 

Fuck Glasto, apparently!

31. Remote controlled lawnmowers 

Literally who even has one of these.

32. Wimbledon 

Notoriously, everyone and anyone can get into the Royal Box…

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Featured image credit via Canva and Tim Rooke/Shutterstock/Murray Sanders/ANL