This is what Newcastle students claim they’re having for lunch at the library

While suffering in the shivery and mould ridden depths of a cost of living crisis, we’re also being hit at every other angle by ruthless UCU strikes; it’s fair two say that students have got it pretty rough. Rough enough to explain some of your recent culinary behaviours, I’m not too sure. How many of these horrific lunches are down to the cost of living crisis is debatable. You guys are clearly going through something so I’ll resist comment but it might be in your best interest to attempt to eat an apple every other month or so, Christ.

‘Antidepressants’

Yummy.

‘Cigarette and a Red bull’

All about that balance.

‘Tesco meal deal’

The unofficial three course meal of the students.

‘Nothing from the library, it’s extortionate’

They will literally start charging for the boiling water machine at this rate and that is where I draw the line.

‘Digestives’

A top tier library snack, but for lunch? A bit dry.

‘Greggs’

The core diet of the Newc student.

‘Cocaine water’

It’s >2 months until my diss is due and Lucozade isn’t cutting it anymore.

‘Shijo katsu curry’

Are people still getting katsu curry? So 2017.

‘Elfbar and Starbucks does it for me’

The southerner’s version of ciggy and a Red Bull.

‘Whatever miserable scran is left in the vending machine :(‘

Mmm, Wispa for lunch, you say?

‘Happy Meal’

Scraping the bottom of the barrel.

‘Frankie & Tony’s’

A distant relative of Frank and Tony’s, perhaps?

‘Sausage roll’

5/10, it’s just not a steak bake.

‘Shijo’

The smell of Shijo has and forever will be etched into the depths my memory.

‘Coffee’

Same.

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