I’ve got a text! Oh wait, it’s the Love Island Clubbers of the Week

Death and taxes. Death and taxes. The only two things in life that are certain, they say.

Shit, it's three. THREE! Death, taxes, and the inevitable post-Love Island club appearances tour. Some of them are set to make about £300,000. Some of them have pulled out for "personal reasons".

It's all good though, they look like they're having a blast either way.

HOLD MY BANANA ADAM

It doubles as a selfie stick

The odds Georgia let this normal human encounter pass without reassuring this girl that "I know it's become a bit of a joke but I really am loyal, babes"?

Zero. Zero

A key part of your post-villa success is knowing where the camera is at all times, never getting caught unaware

Useful for paps

Not even going to speculate who suggested this pose

Fun! Fun! Fun!

Wes renewing his membership to the DBS (Dive Bomb Society)

Wes ILY

Oh no, he's about to make a big splash

WES! NO! You'll get them wet

It's ok, they're already in the pool

Jack Fowler here, very wisely not looking at the man's hand and therefore not getting punched. Man knows the circle game

It doesn't count because it's above the waist, actually

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Security please remove this man from my DJ booth

He is making a nuisance

Were she not contractually obliged to smile all night, Kendall would not be smiling at this particular moment

No sir

Niall found the one person in the planet who also has a fingertip magnet. Is this his rainbow fish?

Their fingers will never touch

Sam Bird with a penis in his hand is worth two in the bush

www.idioms.thefreedictionary.com/a+bird+in+the+hand

DRINK THE DEVIL'S ELIXIR OR BREXIT WILL TAKE ALL THE TREES

LUCIFER DEMANDS IT

This is just how you normally pose when you definitely haven't thrown Ellie's clothes out of the window

A very literal gulf in the relationship

Very, very Power Move Handshake from our New Jack. You will only win his respect by not having your hand crushed.

Alo from the shit seasons of Skins, you have passed

You want to protect Niall this much. I know it

No harm will come to you, my Coventry babyman

Photos courtesy of: Mint Photography at Club 88, Croydon; Pryzm Kingston; BH Mallorca; Pryzm Bristol; Kooky Wakefield; Level Bolton; Oceana Southampton; Casino Guildford