Sean Dyche, Deloitte and Captain Hatfield: The 13 maddest moments on Durfess this week

OK, I’ll admit it, I have a Durfess top fan badge in my Facebook notifications. Like everyone reading this, I absolutely love Durfess and the total chaos it causes without fail. I felt a true void in my life for those two weeks at the start of last year when Durfess was down – what else to do at 10:30am when you probably should be getting ready but can’t quite be bothered? After a summer of reduced activity, Durfess came back with some absolute bangers this week. Here are 13 of the best, ranging from quite important to downright bizarre.

Captain Hatfield

This belongs in the Durfess Hall of Fame. It really is a straight shootout between this masterpiece and Hatfield: The Musical for the most iconic Hatfield moment of the last 30 years. Absolutely criminal that this banger only has 217 views. By the standards of 1995, the production value isn’t actually that bad and the soundtrack needs to make an appearance on some club playlists.

Siggy rings and Jimmy’s

Mild chuckle. Probably a little unfair to paint all Durham girls in this light, but those three traits do seem to have a high rate of success in the smoking area. Also a shoutout to a random Durfess x LadBible crossover that I never saw coming this week.

DOTD nomination for this poster?

I really cannot understand why you would even consider posting this on a public platform, even if it is your viewpoint. Poster got absolutely humbled in the comments section by everyone and their nan. Tough day at the office for this bot/intentional provoker.

Erm…

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This is really making me re-consider my “strongly agree” answer to the question about whatever goes on behind closed doors should be no business of the state on the Political Compass test. Not a fan of one answer being “uni work” and the other “homework” either but we’ll give you the benefit of the doubt. All I can really advise you do is to go touch some grass.

Matcha latte stall

Yes, yes they do. Look at the number of comments and likes and go set up that matcha latte stand. Seriously, do it. Totally not a biased opinion at all.

Sean Dyche appearance

Never did I think that Sean Dyche, St. Hild & St. Bede and the words “carcinogen” and “woke” would be in the same sentence. I’m not quite sure what insight or analysis I can provide on this post, but it’s absolutely incredible. Sean Dyche would probably eat the bricks that St. Hild & St. Bede stands on, so I’m giving this submission of the week. Very original and creative.

Male dancers

You’re clearly into at least your fourth year at Durham, and yet you still yearn for the club? Respectable. A proper Bohemia revival would be welcomed and get those male dancers up on the stage for vibes. They’d kill it at the inevitable 27th ABBA night of the year.

Mistress-gate

Oh dear. I’m not even going to slate you because if this is actually true it’s so bad that I just feel sorry for you. You’ve broken me with this one.

Flatcest

Real, so real. There’s over 20,000 other students at the university, your first year flatmate is probably not your soulmate. You’ve got a better chance of finding them on the Jimmy Allen’s dance floor, and that’s saying something.

17-year-old fresher hoping they’ll get into clubs

Feel a bit sorry for this fresher. Best of luck getting in with no ID, I wish you well. Your fortunes will be just as gloomy as the week I lost my two ID’s in first year, zero chance of you getting a Woodgate.

Deloitte jokes

Honestly, slightly tempted to research this in more depth because it feels like more Durham students end up at Deloitte than KPMG, EY and PwC combined. There’s been too many Deloitte jokes on Durfess before, minus points for a lack of originality and turning to an anonymous Facebook site to cope with a graduate scheme rejection.

Hinge troubles

I was slightly tempted to get back on Hinge the other day, but this has thrown that plan straight into the bin. The pink hat is certainly iconic and I rate the thought process joke but otherwise I am so lost for words. Were these really one of the best three prompts you could think of?

Someone really curious about Ireland??

This is just bizarre – why, oh why, would you turn to Durfess to ask this question? Why are you so incredibly keen to see if anyone has anything negative to say about Ireland? I’ve got to respect the confidence but I am absolutely amazed that you waited for the poor admin to review this rather than just Google it.

Featured image via Durfess (Facebook)

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