Love Island Games: All of the contestants’ opening lines, ranked from cringe to pure hell

Trigger warning: Curtis Pritchard is doing the worm

7 months ago

Love Island 2023
UK

We are living through a period of Love Island excess. Not only has there been winter, summer, US and Aussie series of the show this year— from 1 November (under a month!) we’re getting the Love Island Games, too. What. Is. Going. On?

Basically, the new concept for the Love Island Games is a bit like in lockdown where we were all suddenly given Tinder passport for free. Because, not only are contestants all hot and single, they’re from all over the world: UK, US, Germany, France, Aus, and Sweden. Oh, plus everyone has already been on the show before. It’s a big fat reunion.

The Love Island Games trailer dropped last night and – aside from revealing Scott van-der-Sluis (shock), Eyal Booker, Georgia Steele, Megan Barton-Hanson, Curtis Pritchard, Jack Fowler, Mike Boateng, Liberty Poole and Toby Aromolaran are all returning from the UK side – it sent Twitter into a tailspin with some of the cringiest contestant opening lines of all time. So here they are, ranked from best to worst:

Megan Barton-Hanson – ‘Get me looking hot and get me some six packs I can touch’

The original chaos queen of the villa is back and she’s already doing everything we hoped and prayed she would. Looking hot? Touching muscles? This is what Love Island is about and she’s not pretending any different. God bless.

Johnny Middlebrooks – ‘This time around Imma give it my heart. But I’m going for the money’

An honest king x

Liberty Poole – ‘I’m definitely gonna give it my all’

It’s giving “I’m just happy to be involved”. Liberty doesn’t seem to really know what she’s doing here with a load of other ex-Islanders but she’s going to buckle herself in for the ride and enjoy it with “it’s the taking part that counts” energy. Love that for her.

Georgia Steel – ‘I love everything that comes with love. My heart is open’

In her love girl era. Adorable!

Zeta Morrison – ‘Let’s do this’

Simple, effective. No notes. Let’s do this!

Courtney Boerner – ‘It would be so fun to fall in love with somebody who’s not from America’

Courtney really said I’ve had enough of the men from my own country and I need to look overseas for somebody who’s actually going to act right. We can read between the lines babes and we’re here for it.

Eyal Booker – ‘I’m going in looking for the full package, right?’

Curly-haired king Eyal. He’s not messing around for Love Island round two. It’s the perfect woman or nothing at all. Megan???? Touch his abs maybe????

Jack Fowler – ‘There is flavours from all corners of the earth in one villa’

It’s here where the one liners star to go rapidly downhill. Jack is already treating the competition like some sort of inter-continental buffet. But I’m sort of failing to see what he’s bringing to the table. The finger jabbing? The bleary-eyed confusion? Help.

Mike Boateng – ‘It’s gonna be explosive’

This claim is made before literally every Love Island end of season reunion and it never, ever, ever pulls through. I don’t trust you Mike.

Imani Wheeler – ‘If I want something I’m gonna get it’

Big yawn.

Curtis Pritchard – ‘This time it’s a whole ‘nother ball game’

It’s not so much what Curtis says in his intro clip but what he’s doing (the worm). This man can’t be in front of a camera for more than 15 seconds before he’s pulling out ’90s dance moves. At least he didn’t mention making coffee in the morning.

Ray Gantt – ‘Say, I look good right?’

Humble!

Callum Hole – ‘I’ve got what it takes to win the challenges if they’re like physical, but if they’re like just about being smart, I’m fucked.’

A himbo and honest about it. Good for you, Callum. Lots of Kenergy (awful haircut). Not sure why he’s benching a piece of driftwood, though x

Cely Vazquez – ‘I’m back whether you like it or not’

Cely – I don’t know who you are but I know I don’t want your presence to be a threat. Instinctively now, I definitely don’t like it that you are – in fact – “back”. Very soap villain making a death’s door return five years later energy. \

Deb Chubb – ‘Let the games begin’

Ew. Very Hunger Games coded. In fact, is basically a direct quote from dystopia. Chill out Effie Trinket.

Aurelia Lamprecht – ‘I’m so ready for the games’

A worse variation of Deb’s! Give us nothing queen. Plus – she looks terrified. Aurelia, blink twice if you need help.

Steph Blackos – ‘Boom’

Thanks Steph, I hate it.

Jessica Losurdo – ‘I’ll do whatever it takes to win. If I have to play dirty, I’m gonna play dirty’

Forced innuendos are basically the worst intro line you can possibly do on Love Island. The reality TV equivalent of Legally Blonde’s Bend and Snap to prove you’re sexy. Please God, give us peace.

Mitch Hibberd – ‘Let’s hope the girls like an Aussie accent and can get down under’

Do I even have to say anything here? Skin crawl. SOS.

For all the latest Love Island news and gossip on the Sammy and Jess split, and for the best memes and quizzes, like The Holy Church of Love Island on Facebook.