Ranking this year’s winter Love Islanders by how pure evil they are in the villa

Will is too pure for this earth

1 year ago

I am starting to regret my eye rolling dismissal of winter Love Island 2023, because if we’re being honest it just got really bloody good. The drama is dramaing, the girls are fighting and the gossip is spiralling. And I’m gobbling it all right up, leaving not a crumb behind. I’d say inject it, but don’t wish to sound like Murad Merali for obvious reasons. Enough villa time has been accrued now for me to look at the omens and get the winter Love Island cast of 2023 ranked by how pure evil they really are. Let’s go.

14. Me liccle Will 💕

Too pure for this world. Treats every liccle sheep like he birthed it himself. I worship the ground he walks on, the way he destroys toxic masculinity day by day is bloody gorgeous. Protect at all costs.

13. Lana

My heart did break for Lana when she had to listen to the evil flirty cackles of Tanyel and Ron in bed. The tear she wept when Tanyel swiped her man was so sad.

12. Shaq

He’s shagged a 50 year old? He’s just like me!

11. Ron

I grow more and more in love with him by the day I fear. Minimal evil but it was a bit darksided when he was chuckling away flirtily with Tanyel in bed, and I didn’t like him telling Zara “She has to understand” in her fight with Liv. Stay out of their business!

10. Kai

Not innately evil, but there is something unjust about being this fit and this boring at the same time. The lord giveth and the lord taketh away, apparently.

9. Zara

Literally my fave girl in the villa right now, love how she takes no shit at all. You’ve got to have a slight evil streak to be no nonsense but all good heroes have a bit of evil in them. “Do you think I flew 11 hours from England to piss you off?” is the quote of the decade.

8. Anna-May

To be this stone cold boring is a sin, and sinning is evil. End of.

7. Tom

I beg this man get a spine ASAP, because the fence sitting is evil. REALLY evil. In the words of Kim Woodburn, TAKE SIDES AND BE A WOMAN!

6 and 5. The Aussie Islanders

You are getting ranked as pure evil if you fly literally across the planet to go on Love Island, a show you’ve already been on in Australia, to pursue romance with people you’re never going to see again because they’re on the other side of the globe in about 10 different timezones. Stop wasting everyone’s time for a few Instagram followers.

4. Tanya

I might get pelted with eggs for this one, but I’m getting snakey vibes here! I feel like she played Shaq and David off each other and none of what she says to lads is coming off as genuine.. I’m keeping a watchful eye out. Potentially a sneaky evil.

3. Tanyel

The way she said she wanted to throw something at Kai’s head when he spoke to another girl is the kind of ludicrous, green-faced, Machiavellian evil villains can only strive to achieve.

2. Haris

Anyways!

1. Olivia

Scares the living shit out of me.

Love Island 2023 continues at 9pm on ITV2 and ITVX. For all the latest Love Island news and gossip and for the best memes and quizzes, like The Holy Church of Love Island on Facebook.