How to pick up drugs without being bait, by an actual dealer
Rule one: Don’t act like you know everything
Talking to dealers is often pretty embarrassing and kinda scary. It just is. Not knowing what to call them, how friendly to be or what exactly to ask for makes it all so stressful. Buying drugs is an absolute social minefield.
So we talked to a dealer about his main tips and advice for people buying drugs. He's a student himself and wants to remain anonymous for obvious reasons. He sells weed and pills to his mates, or anyone who gets given his number, in his medium sized student city.
He explains how to talk to dealers, how to act and what to say – everything you can do to avoid embarrassment when picking up your gear.
Try not to sound like a police officer
"Be relaxed. Dealers don’t want the hassle or the stress, but obviously when they’re going to a person for the first time they don’t know who this person is. There’s as much fear on both sides of the exchange as the other.
"For one person it's because they don’t know what they’re going to – like, they could mug me, for example – and the other because they don’t know what they’re taking. My advice to them would probably be just be relaxed and try not to sound like a police officer."
Don't text, always call
"If you're worried about what to text them, don’t text at all. Just call them. Because with texts, you now have two written bits of information that show that you’ve had an exchange. From the dealers side of things: we don’t know what they’re going to do with that information once they have it. They could take screenshots and with technology these days they could send that to a thousand people within three seconds.
"Some of the people I know that sell will immediately call a person if they get a text. They'll ask them like 'who is this' etc and they get all the information so they can do it all over the phone."
Don't constantly call me and ask where I am
"Constantly calling and seeing where you are is the most annoying thing you can do. If I’ve got a multitude of people who’ve called me, say six or seven people, I have to go to them in order of who’s called me first. I can’t be like oh this one’s closer etc, that’s just favouritism.
"Remember that I’m not just supplying to you, I have other people who’ve called. So when someone is calling and calling that could make me almost not want to go to them."
Stop acting like a roadman when you're not
"It is quite funny when you get people call you up or answer the phone and they speak in a certain way that they think they need to speak. Then when they turn up they’re wearing a Ralph Lauren polo with the buttons done up."
Try to use slang as much as you can
"Always better to use slang. Slang was actually created as a code against the police so they didn’t know what we were talking about. So obviously that's better than just straight up using the real words.
"Like, say if someone’s phone was under surveillance or their friend who doesn’t know they’re dealing sees their screen, that could instantly incriminate them and expose whatever they were doing."
See what the vibe is like and base how you act on that
"If you’ve seen the film Pineapple Express you’ll know the scene where they talk about if you’re friends with your dealer or if it’s business. It's like that. But for me personally, the people I pick up off and sell to I usually know a bit more so I will talk to them.
"Plus you need to know different prices, different quantities, different types of whatever you're grabbing. But then there is the extra social side of it where you just talk about what’s going on with them, in their life. It all depends on how long you’ve known your dealer, how comfortable they’re being with you. You don’t wanna get in the car and start spilling your life story because they’ll be like: 'Get the fuck out'."
Always ask me how I am
"I am doing a job you know, driving around all day. If someone goes 'Yo, how you doin’ man?' I’d be like 'Yo man I’m good how are you?' It’s just nicer, because I'm quite a social person. If someone does just get in and go 'Ten pounds yeah?' I’ll be like 'Yeah there you go, just get out my car.'"
Try to text me at reasonable times, not super late or early
"Early in the morning is never good, because no one wants to be getting out of bed early in the morning. But then again you do get people, especially when I’m at uni, at like 8/9am who are still going after a night out, they’re like 'Could you come and do this'.
"And nine times out of ten I’ve been on a night out myself, so it is hard. Especially dealing with a social life and family life as well, being then on call and have to go to deliver to multiple people is quite difficult."
Come clean about not knowing things, a dealer knows when you're faking it
"Be honest. If you don’t know what you’re talking about or you don’t know what you’re grabbing then nine times out of ten they’re going to know and be able to give you more information.
"And never ask a dealer to roll your joints for you, they will always bump you. I’ve made £50 off people for selling them mainly tobacco before. I would never normally do that but if someone comes along and they’re acting arrogant, it’s up to our discretion and they will never know the better."