For a laugh, let’s couple up all the Love Island All Stars cast in the most nightmarish way

The nice thing about the return of Love Island in its All Stars format is the fact we of course already know all these Islanders. Whether they’re an all star is another debate entirely, but what we do know is generally how they tick. We know if they’re fiery, we know if they’re iconic and we know if they’re … Curtis Pritchard and Luca Bish. Since the show is kind of flawed in the fact we know that these lot probably don’t want to date each other that much outside of the villa (if they did, surely they already would have) – it’s far more fun getting the Love Island All Stars 2025 lot coupled up with the person they absolutely NEVER should be. For a good ol’ chuckle before proceedings boot off tonight.

Gabby and Marcel

Via ITV

The biggie. Obviously, these two famously have major messy history – and their relationship ended because Marcel cheated on her. Fireworks are already expected tonight and nobody imagines the hatchet being buried any time soon. Coupling these two up together would be a recipe for disaster. Call me the disaster chef in that case, cause I’m cooking up chaos in my kitchen here.

Elma and Ronnie

Via ITV

I know very little about Elma, but I know too much about Ronnie. And something tells me Elma should preserve her peace and run for the hills if this pairing gets lashed onto her come 9pm.

Catherine and Curtis

Via ITV

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Catherine the queen you are. The legendary icon herself. I wish only the best for her. That is why she simply cannot be put with Curtis Pritchard. I don’t know who the right woman for Curtis is, actually. It’s a question for the ages. Maybe Trish from Hollyoaks.

India and Nas

Via ITV

I just think if you’re someone who’s gone from dating Ovie – THEE Ovie – your benchmark for men to date is probably deservedly high. The last thing you want is slimy Nas trying to chirpse you up.

Kaz and Scott

Via ITV

I like Scott, I like Kaz. But I think these two are simply operating on different frequencies. Scott is 36 but with all due respect feels a great deal older – perhaps because I’m from Manchester and have witnessed the Thomas brothers chokehold on the city’s nightlife scene for as long as I’d remember. There’s massive city distance between the two of them and I just don’t see them ever thriving. Come back to this of course in a few weeks when they probably end up winning the whole thing just to shut me up.

Olivia Hawkins and Luca Bish

Via ITV

Two Love Island All Stars 2025 Islanders that I have to always full name, and who of course should never be coupled up together. Perhaps the reasons are obvious, but I shall spell them out: it would be utter emotional carnage and warfare. Both of these two are back in the villa on a redemption arc quest and I think they need to do that with other people. There’d be a possessive-off around the pool every night.

That being said, bring on the chaos immediately. I love mess.

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