Ranking all the new winter Love Islanders based on nothing but their promo pic vibe

I can’t believe it’s that time all over again, but Love Island is BACK – not with a burst of sunshine, sangria and watching it on your sofa sweating your absolute tits off, but with a sprinkling of snow and a load of rain. Yep, it’s WINTER Love Island – a format we’ve not seen since pre-pandemic. We’re back off to South Africa with a bunch of conventionally attractive influencers in the making with Maya Jama in tow and, if I’m honest? I can’t wait. ITV have today released the new batch of winter Love Islanders, and I’m gonna get them ranked them based on vibes and vibes alone. Tis the season, after all!

10. Ron

Via ITV

The necklace… the bracelet… It’s giving freebies from a Smash Hits magazine you begged your mum to get you from Costcutter on Friday after a long, hard day in year five. I would quite like to snap it.

9. Lana

via ITV

I’m sure she’s a lovely gal, especially because she shares her name with my favourite singer of all time, but I get nothing from this. I can’t roast it and I can’t cheer for it. Kind of like if you typed Love Islander into an AI generator.

8. Olivia

via ITV

I think Olivia has a bit of a scary energy, but have boosted her up two spots because she’s a “Michelle Keegan body double” for a living and I think that’s one of the campest things I’ve ever heard.

7. Tanyel

via ITV

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This is just giving big gorgeous vibes and I really love it. She’s stood like she’s being doing promo shoots for her entire life.

6. Haris

via ITV

Slotting nicely in to satisfy the Love Island square head lad quota.

5. Shaq

via ITV

This choice of stance makes me feel like he’s about to bellow “LET THE LOVE, SEE THE ISLAND!” at me, and I do have to respect that.

4. Anna-May

via ITV

These are the vibes of a girly who would be extremely excited to tell me her favourite queen from RuPaul’s Drag Race if I met her in a smoking area. She’d pick a really basic choice, but she’d try her best. A hun to the Fiat 500 bone.

3. Will

via ITV

Okay, quite hard to judge this one off promo pictures alone when you’ve spent many months fantasising about having an experience akin to the plot of God’s Own Country with him on his farm every time you scroll past him on TikTok shearing a load of poo out of sheep fur. The wellies stay ON.

2. Kai

via ITV

I’m sat.

1. Tanya

via ITV

Every year there’s an icon who just understands the promo assignment. Enter Tanya. The little knee bend? The hand doing whatever the hand is doing? Just immaculate vibes. Streets are saying she’s Scouse too, which is the icing on the cake. We bow down.

You can catch all the Islanders ranked here when Winter Love Island 2023 starts on January 16th. For all the latest Love Island news and gossip and for the best memes and quizzes, like The Holy Church of Love Island on Facebook.

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