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0 All time articles Since 24th November 2011 0 Articles published
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Why the singletons do the Day of Dread the best.

It’s never been my favourite day of the year. Last year, I spent the evening at LGBT drinks, then went to a gay bar (to clarify, despite what my Mum thinks, I’m not actually gay). Once my friends had all found that ‘special someone’, I walked home by myself, holding a heart balloon. Not fun.

To sum up the rest of my V-Day experiences, I’ve received two gifts in total: a rose from my Dad, and a Rolo from my sister. I also had one ‘date’ when I cooked for my best friend… who’s a girl. (Still not gay).

And so as you can probably imagine, having been single for every 14th February I can remember, my views towards this day of love are utterly biased. But despite all this I’m definitely not bitter at my lack of Valentine’s action.

Now that’s a woman who knows the meaning of fun.

All V-Day is is a test of your relationship. Does he take you out? And if so, where, what he buys you and overall effort are all tests he’s bound to fail. He’s annoyed because ‘I can’t use my Orange Wednesday Pizza Express Voucher’, you’re angry because he bought you some awful Lush gift-set when you very clearly and unsubtly suggested the matching earrings to your Tiffany necklace.

You both just end up pissed off at each other, making awkward conversation while trying to work out the most flattering way to eat spaghetti.

Remember the Apprentice episode where Raef and co. introduced National Singles’ Day? Definitely on to a winner there. If couples can hold hands and gaze into each other’s eyes any day of the year, us singletons need a day that legitimizes watching Bridget Jones (yes, guys as well) with our old friends Ben and Jerry. Whilst V-Day is pressure for some, it is the perfect excuse for the rest of us.

So, where will I be on Tuesday night? Cindies, dancing with my girls, drunkenly bellowing at one another that we’re amazing and there is someone out there who’ll appreciate us. I recommend you save yourself the angst of Valentine’s Day and join us. You’ll have a hell of a better evening.

  • girl

    Attention seeking 'singletons' talking about Valentine's Day… yawn yawn yawn

  • CUNT!


    • I’ve heard…

      that’s a beautiful word.

  • Rick Waller

    I'm still waiting for steak and a blow job day to come around…… think of the poor men for a change!

    • Rick Waller

      Remember, March 14th… Steak and a BJ day

  • Trinitarian

    Most of us at Trinity know you aren't gay. No surprises that you agree it is better alone considering your previous articles…

  • lad

    I'm gonna pull you tonight

  • Johnian

    Hopefully she won't throw up on you like she did in my first year.

  • JZDF

    I think people care about your opinions even less than they care about mine.

  • actualy

    I think you might be gay

  • Girl

    I hate having to give blowjobs just because I had a meal bought for me. It's not like I do it for my dad when he pays.

    • Oedipus

      Where do you think the all the Daddy issues in cambridge came from?

      • Sorry

        what the hell does Oedipus have to do with Daddy issues?

    • Wait, what?

      Since when do you have to give anyone a blowjob? If you consciously link the two, that's not far off prostitution.

      • Law Student

        I believe that actually is prostitution…

    • Boy

      Perhaps going Dutch might help? Just a thought…. if you still want to trade food for sex that's fine by me, just thought you might like to know you always have the option to pay and not put out.

  • Alonso
  • Mallika Leuzinger

    I <3 Valentines

  • Your college son

    Hi Lucy!!

  • Colonel Sarcasm

    I'm not sure you've squeezed enough cliches in here.

    • Corporal Punishment

      I prefer to squeeze tits to cliches.

      Just in case you were wondering.

  • you're boring

    don't write any more articles plz

  • Guy

    Please don't be gay, after a stalk of your faceybo it would be a shame for (man)kind

  • Could be hot…

    But so many duck faces as profile pics of Facebook!

    • Orville

      duck faces are hot..
      quack quack.

  • All tab readers

    Cool story

    • Ms. Lassman

      Shut up u pleb!! My article is thoughtful and well written!!

  • Kim-Jong Mike

    All praise our benevolent and majestic Michael, leader of the Glorious Rubin Revolution and Supreme Commander of the Flatt.

    (LOL JK, no more Rubin propaganda please Tab).

  • Bob

    I don’t know about the other departments that are receiving a ‘trial’, but Historical Studies has had exam feedback for 3 years already – hardly a revolution.