Here are 10 texts that will definitely get sent in every Exeter house chat

8. Who is sleeping on our sofa?

1 year ago

Whether you’re slumming it in first year student halls, stuck with your not-friends in second year accommodation, or barely hanging on in your third year house, we’ve all at some point had to receive (or send) a text which screams “sort it out”.

Maybe you’ve been blessed with housemates from hell — or maybe you are the problem (and just don’t know it yet). Either way, sometimes a passive aggressive “can someone empty the bins :)” goes a long way. Other times, that text is being ghosted harder than a “last night was fun” from Angus on floor two (no regrets). The house chat does exist for a reason, after all — and it’s not for playing 8 Ball or making plans for the next TP venture. So, here’s the top 10 house texts (let’s hope you never have to be the recipient of any).

1. Whose washing up is this?

Okay, okay. I’ll admit. My frying pan probably has been sat there for a few days now. Or, sure, maybe a few weeks. And yes, that might be mould growing in the centre of it. But I’m busy, okay? My business degree won’t study itself.

2. Can we clean up the kitchen?

If your first year kitchen is looking like a hurricane of alcoholics have recently stormed through, maybe it’s time to unleash the Henry hoover and purge the table of red wine stains with some anti-bac. Or, maybe you’re the one sending the text — in which case, good luck getting to the fridge unscathed.

3. Can someone let me in?

The last time this person saw their keys, the Marketplace meal deal was still £3.50.

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4. Who turned the heating on?

What do you mean you’re freezing to death down there in your poorly insulated bottom floor bedroom? So what if there’s mould literally growing on your bedsheets and infiltrating your lungs? No, we’re not turning the heating on yet. Try putting on a third blanket hoodie instead.

5. Whose vodka/coat/phone/ID is this?

It’s probably no one’s. Or, alternatively, it belongs to that guy you met a few weeks ago who dropped by the flat for pres, and has never been seen again. Finders, keepers.

6. Can you keep the noise down?

Certainly one of the most justifiable texts on this list. If this one starts becoming a regular, you either have a housemate with a super early bedtime, or you live with someone who enjoys ruining everyone else’s sleep on the daily (nightly?) If the latter might be you, consider a major change in personality. Or, ya know, some headphones.

7. Can you send me rent money?

10 per cent interest charge if it’s more than five minutes late.

8. Who is sleeping on our sofa?

Some questions are best left unanswered. The answer to this one is probably along the lines of “I think his name was Charles? Or Hugo? Maybe Quentin?” Let’s hope Sleeping Beauty packs up and crawls back to his third year hole before lunchtime.

9. The shower/sink/oven/heating is not working

Oh, dear. Who wants to email the landlord? Not a rare sight in student accommodation — here’s hoping the landlord responds within five working weeks, else it’s off to the neighbours to borrow their appliances, for the foreseeable forever.