Here’s exactly which Exeter Marketplace item you are, based on vibes

Because we all love taking out a mortgage for a packet of crisps x

6 months ago

Exeter Marketplace is without a doubt an integral part of the fibre of student life: Some might even call it the shining beacon of The Forum. It entices students from all directions due to its central location and charm; whether it’s lunch you desire, coffee, a toilet brush, or even a pregnancy test – the Marketplace caters for all your needs. Maybe you’re walking back from the gym, or you just finished a miserable group project meeting in DH2 but all it takes is a speedy Marketplace visit and you’ll be feeling chipper again, even though your bank account isn’t.

The staff create even more of an atmosphere by treating the midday queue like an industrial assembly line and serving hundreds of students that have just finished their 11.30am’s in seconds. There’s nothing quite like the adrenaline rush from when you realise you’ve held the queue up at the check out: Thrilling. So, read ahead to find out what your favourite item of this treasured shop says about you, and discover more harrowing gems that lie within it.

Marketplace meal deal

You know what you want, and you’re not afraid to ask for it. You’re a multitasker, and you’re efficient. Why go up to the marketplace three times in an hour for a bottle of water, a snack, and maybe another snack, when you can do it all at once?

There’s also no doubt about it: You’re a naïve first year. The agonising truth that spending £4.50 a day on a meal is not financially sustainable (especially when it’s subpar to even the most heinous Tesco combination) hasn’t kicked in yet. So, until you’re maimed by this harsh tongue of adult life, may you enjoy your egg mayo sarnie and packet of Wotsits.

Discount bin

This might seem like an insult, but hear me out. This is the section the staff sometimes pile with close to expired goods, so my guess is either you feel like you’ve been in Exeter a few too many years, or maybe you just really love a deal. If the shoe fits, wear it.

You’re also unique, and you stray from the crowd – you’re no standard packet of salt and vinegar, you’re a festive packet of Glazed Ham Walkers Original. Right now, it’s Awesome Oinks they’re selling at the noble price of 35P. And, whilst they might not have sold enough to strip the shelves in the main section, the special someone who’ll eventually grab you, loves you for you.

Tea and coffee section

Now this is one to be proud of. There’s only so many Pret coffees one’s student finance can sustain before you have to look for alternatives. Plus, as far as extortionate drinks go, wouldn’t you rather splurge on a venom (or five)? You’re cool, calm and collected – on campus by day and TP by night with a smooth elegance.

You’re also a DIY kind of geezer, the independence we see as you grab the milk from the communal bottle in the sandwich section hasn’t gone unnoticed, you’re going to go far. You’re in third or fourth year, and have been here long enough to remember when the campus Pret did the subscription scheme. The queues put you off for life, and you were forced to look for other alternatives. So, you’re resourceful.

The prized baguette

You’re an early bird, and you always catch the worm. Your future prospects are probably as golden as its crispy amber crust, and you’re as warm as the delicious dough that lies beneath. For that reason, your favourite night out is probably Cheesy Tuesdays. There’s a reason these have always sold out by the time the rest of us finally get to campus, you’re one of a kind. No 8.30am goes amiss, nor does a reading ever go unread, and the silent area in the library upstairs knows you by name. Alternatively, they know you by your determined face and speedy typing.

A greeting card

Undoubtedly, the best place in Exeter to get cards. Originally a first year discovery, my housemates and I have continued the marketplace cheer at every chance we’ve had. And what this means for you? You’ve always got something to say, and you’re not afraid to let people know, no matter how weird it is. Because of this, people never know what to expect: Will it be rambunctious one-liners or heartfelt messages today?

Marketplace card section is also renowned for its graphic card images, so we’re sure you get lively on the Fever dance floor (even if it means you end up with a nip-slip or two).

Pasty

Last, but certainly not least, is the humble pasty. You’re a fan of the regularities in life, and like to keep things simple. You’re a refreshing warm bite on a brisk Tuesday afternoon and that’s all there is to it. Our trust for you is as steadfast as the unwavering queue of hungry faces in the pasty section every lunchtime – unless you get the veggie version.