Here’s every disaster that will happen in your second year Exeter Uni house

It won’t be quite like East Park anymore

1 year ago

So, you’ve just rocked up to your new place on Penny Road (or slightly further afield if you weren’t so quick onto the manic housing market), excited for round two of Freshers’ Week. Your flat last year was super smooth-sailing and a house can’t be any different, surely? The fairy lights have been unpacked, North Face puffers hung up by the door, and mummy has unloaded your M&S shop: Everything is going as planned. What could possibly go wrong? I mean, there definitely won’t be any mould issues, freezing to death in winter, or housemate drama – right?

1. Housemate drama

That’s right, the lifelong friendship you swore to random people in your first term of uni didn’t actually stick, and now you’re awkwardly confined to a house with them for the foreseeable future. The panic of sorting accommodation has left you living with somebody who blasts DnB until the early hours of the morning on a Tuesday, or spends a minimum of two hours in the shower (when your water bills are definitely NOT included). A drunken argument with your beloved housemates might make things awkward when you see them in the kitchen, but in many cases it is sadly inevitable.

2. Freezing during the winter

If you’re lucky enough to have found a pad in which your rent includes bills, then this disaster won’t apply to you. However, for the majority of us, sub-zero temperatures become a norm in the winter months, and if you make it out without investing in an Oodie, then props to you.

3. Parallel parking

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If you’ve decided to bring your car for second year then good luck, the nightmare of parking on roads like Culverland and Springfield will soon come to haunt you. Your Zone G permit may seem a practical investment, but it comes with the fear of being outed on overheard for your shoddy attempt at parallel parking behind a baby blue Fiat 500. Your car may also get vandalised, just a warning.

4. Black mould

Circling back round to issues with a freezing and damp house enters everybody’s least favourite, rent-free housemate. Black mould is likely to pop up again and again, which will force you to spend a small fortune on Aldi’s finest cleaning supplies. It is more than likely you will spend multiple Sundays scrubbing at your walls whilst wearing an old Covid mask, just for it to miraculously reappear three days later.

5. Stolen goods

Anybody who has hosted a slightly larger pres are sure to have noticed the odd things to have disappeared the day after them and their guests got a bit out of hand before heading to TP. Whether that be a bottle of vodka (gutting) or your house mascot, it’s more than likely something will go wandering after a messy night, never to be seen again.