Here are five things an Exeter student really means when they say they can’t make a lecture

2. They’re in bed with a rugby boy


“Is there ever an excuse not to come to a lecture? We are paying nine grand a year, after all” said no one ever. There are plenty of reasons not to show up to that hour long debate discussing the number of bends in a river in Cornwall. Whether you’re stuck in the £2 meal queue, lost in the labyrinth of corridors and rooms that make up the majority of Exeter’s buildings, or even busy visiting a potential second year house, sometimes that lecture just has to take a step back, and make room for an equally crucial and time-consuming task – which will totally contribute to that all-important degree title as much as attending our teaching hours will. We’re going to lay out some of our favourite excuses right now – and rate them.

1. Too hungover

Ah, sweet memories of my first year self regularly attending Cheesy’s on a Tuesday night and then waking up ready for my Wednesday 8:30am seminar (featuring an 8am crawl up Cardiac Hill, no less). We’re starting strong with probably the most common reason of them all — besides, of course, “I can’t be arsed”. Midweek nights out are a given in a town (sorry, city) where the weekend’s locals are more scary than the price of a Marketplace meal “deal”. So, waking up on a Thursday morning with a sore head and a weeping bank account isn’t an uncommon sight. Is it a great excuse though? Depends on the hangover.

Excuse rating: 8/10

2. In bed with a rugby boy

Speaking of hangovers: For those of us who are unlucky enough to have made that drunken decision to pop home and give those rugby balls a closer inspection (sorry), attending a lecture the next day may not be top of the priority list. Perhaps scrambling home and re-evaluating life decisions may come first (but hey, no shame in a little action on the field). You can tackle that lecture later.

Excuse rating: 7/10

3. Attempting to buy TP tickets

A wise man once said TP tickets are like gold dust — that man then went on to charge some poor fresher on Overheard £20 for a 7:30pm entry. Either we’re sat eagerly awaiting tickets on FIXR and sobbing when they inevitably disappear within three seconds, or attempting to navigate the minefield that is Overheard (and praying that said ticket is neither above the price of £5, or for an entry before 10pm). Tickets to the wonderland that is Timepiece Wine Bar and Nightclub are more elusive than an 8:30am seminar with full attendance in week 10 and so committing a good portion of the day to actually attempting to obtain some is a reasonable excuse not to be in that lecture. Unless, you know, you devote equal attention to both at the same time.

Excuse rating: 5/10

4. My washing is about to finish

Halloween might be over, but the terror of Circuit Laundry and its chokehold on students is a 24/7 ordeal for those of us living in student halls. Maybe your accommodation only possesses a singular, sad washing machine which means you must take advantage of the moment it becomes free, or else risk smelling worse than the bins you forgot to put out. Or, maybe you simply timed it wrong and that washing cycle is due to end about 10 minutes after you were due to trek to campus. Either way, the yucky prospect of abandoning your washing (and risking having someone else’s grotty hands over your clean underwear as they remove it in favour of using the machine to wash their own) is probably not worth attending the lecture for. Try washing it at 1am next time – no one’s mad enough to contest you at that ungodly hour, hopefully.

Excuse rating: 4/10

5. Cramming for an assignment

No, I won’t be at the lecture today. I probably won’t be at the seminar either, or the lab, or the workshop, or anywhere except the top floor of the library as I attempt to scribble as many words as I can before the very soon and very daunting deadline arrives to relieve me of my last minute cramming struggles. Yes, maybe if I were a little more organised I would have had that assignment done early and would have come to the lecture/seminar/workshop/lab/social/winter ball/etc. But let’s not be unrealistic, shall we?

Excuse rating: 9/10

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