Seven things about student life at Exeter that would send a Victorian child into a coma

Because Exeter life is already a questionable concept


Needless to say, we have definitely changed our ways from Victorian times and have entered our modern age of living (with a Lost Mary in one hand and Vodka Redbull in another). If a Victorian child were to experience University of Exeter life, they would definitely not survive our baffling way of living. Students at the UoE have come to love the student life and only those who have been to Exeter will understand the Forum meal deals, the floods of society stash, Overheard, and the importance of getting your FIXR ticket for every. single. night. out.

These are the aspects of UoE life that only makes sense to us, and we wouldn’t change it for anything else (apart from the scammers on Overheard, of course). So, here are all the things about Exeter student life that will most definitely send a Victorian child into a coma (or a non-UoE person coming to visit). From Cheesy Tuesdays to TP Wednesdays, the true evolution of mankind. We’ve come so far.

1. A Venom

First and foremost, we are going strong with Exeter’s notoriously loved concoction of a drink: The TP Venoms. Although Venoms have become quite popular among many other clubs around the country, something about the TP Venom stays on top. The blend of sweet and sour, the mixture of VK and vodka and the overall headache in a pint just becomes a key ingredient to your usual TP night.

Although there are now multiple flavours of TP Venoms (raspberry, pineapple and even coffee?) the green and red venoms remain the ultimate, classic beverage for your wild TP Wednesdays. For a Victorian child, the green venom would most definitely send them into a lifelong coma. One sip of the green venom and that’s it, they’re gone. Me, personally, I have replicated being a Victorian child in a near coma after a heavy Sketch Friday. TP Venoms alone would send anyone into a deep hangover, with crippling hangxiety and a crippling overdraft in the morning. There is nothing quite like the £9 Venoms. The bane of our Exeter student life.

2.) Batty Bingo

The concept of Batty Bingo in general is enough to send any Victorian child into a coma. With the outrageous costumes and questionable prizes, Batty Bingo is a staple for UoE. You lose all track of time in Mecca Bingo, end up getting teabagged by Peggy Sue and you wake up in the morning looking like a Doodle Bear (and we all know how the ink takes DAYS to come off). With Batty opening their doors at 6:30pm, everyone rushing in to grab a seat near the stage and wanting to grab a few selfies with Peggy Sue, it is only right to start your pres at 4pm (or earlier if you don’t wish to spend £12 on some WKDs).

When you’re going to a Batty Bingo, the whole day feels warped. One minute you’re in a 9am lecture and the next you are running down Fore Street in an Oktoberfest dress, downing the last of your Chekov before reaching the doors. Batty Bingo is, perhaps, the most absurd night for UoE students. With nothing but a Pot Noodle in your system and inconspicuous amounts of alcohol running through your veins, the thought alone is enough to send a Victorian child into a coma (or likewise, a fresher). And on top of all this, you end up in Cheesy Tuesday thinking about what you’re going to get from Mega Kebab. There’s nothing quite like Batty.

3.) The ‘Exetah’ jargon

In Exeter, you are guaranteed to meet all types of people. All of them have their own personalities of constantly “Bleeding Green” with their dedication to rugby or spend all their time in the Law Library with an oat milk Pret latte in hand. But, if there is one thing that connects the students in Exeter, is definitely the “Exetah” lingo.

Exeter is known for its “posh” accents and private school population, which is 99 per cent true. And with this population taking over UoE, they develop their own types of jargon. Especially, the “Rah Rah Exetah” language. With each syllable elongated and stretched as far as possible in the croakiest voice known to mankind, it can be quite jarring when first approaching an Exeter student. The Victorian child may believe they have a bad case of the plague which would already send them into a frenzy. The phrases and words that get picked up by UoE students becomes embedded in our student life. The classic phrases of “Rah where’s my baccy?”, “This tune is dutty!” and “Rahhhh, has anyone seen my signet ring in TP?” only makes sense if you’re a student living in Exeter. The common jargon around here would most definitely send a Victorian child into a coma as they can’t even comprehend what any of it means.

4.) Vaults

In Exeter, we are quite limited for clubs and only have a select few that will guarantee a good night out. But, sadly, with most of our clubs closing at 2am, there is only one forgotten warrior that can let you continue dancing the night away. I have only entered Vaults a few times, and could not tell you what it looks like as I could barely see by that point of the night.

After a few too many TP Venoms and Jägerbombs, Vaults is always the answer if you’ve still got that energy to keep you dancing away. The word is always thrown around and begins a joke, but next thing you know, you’re on your third VK and struggling to find loo roll in the toilets (they are so dark for no reason). Each time I have been to Vaults has always been after I have said that I am going to have a quiet night in, and next thing you know, the karaoke mic is in my hand. Vaults is known to be the drunken, second club you go to when you don’t want to call it quits. And for a Victorian child, this would send them into a deep, deep coma- especially as the green Venom already had them quivering.

5.) Old Laf

As someone who lived opposite Old Laf in first year, I can confirm that the sight of the accommodation is enough to put anyone into a coma. With its grey, bleak bricks and sickly green windows surrounding the outside of it, one may confuse the student accommodation to a prison. I have only stumbled across Old Laf a few times during first year and the coldness, the narrowness of the corridors and the mountain high pile of pizza boxes, Corona cans and mould was enough to make me go into a coma, let alone a Victorian child.

6.) Any rugby lad

With University of Exeter being such a sporty uni that takes huge pride in their sport teams, the uni is flooded with many, many, many rugby boys. If a Victorian child was to spend five minutes with any rugby boy, they would instantly fall deep into a coma. Rugby boys are typically loud, big and always doing the most absurd things with their fellow rugby mates on a TP Wednesday after downing their eighth pint.

Rugby boys have their very, very, very questionable initiation rituals. Such as, running through Northernhay in just a nappy and nothing else. Even as an Exeter student, that concept was very baffling. Rugby boys are very stereotypical in their nature and could easily make anyone feel uncomfortable by their brashness, especially when you’re just trying to go home from campus on a Wednesday where they have already started pre drinking at 4pm. With their mullets, initiations and just themselves: A rugby lad would send a Victorian child into a coma immediately. But they would probably use the Victorian child as a rugby ball before going into their coma.

7.) Sidwell Street

Last but not least, the infamous Sidwell Street. Sidwell Street is the other half of town which contains all sorts of characters. From the locals arguing with each other across the road to the people in mobility scooters trying to run you over as you make your way to Iceland. Sidwell Street is like another universe in comparison to the rest of Exeter.

During the day, Sidwell Street is already quite the dive, and you would want to keep your eyes on the ground in case anyone wants to start a random fight with you. But, during the night, the street becomes the motherland of drunken after-club food. Whether you want Efes, Taco Bell, Dominos or some fish and chips, Sidwell Street is your place to go. Even the takeaway foods would send the Victorian child into a coma as I don’t think a “lamb doner kebab with garlic mayo” was a very popular dish back then. But, yes, Sidwell Street is a very weird place in Exeter and as UoE students, you want to avoid it at all costs (unless its for some cheesy chips, of course).

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