21 unspoken rules during deadline season at Exeter that EVERYONE should be following

If you couldn’t tell by the onslaught of dissertation related articles, stressed students, and increased coffee consumption, deadline season is officially upon us. The library is full by 9.30, no one has been relaxed in a month, and you and your housemates are likely to be in some Russian roulette style game of waiting to see who’s going to have a breakdown first. Undeniably the worst season of all, here are 21 unspoken rules that everyone should be following until September:

1. Don’t post your dissertation submission receipt as your BeReal

Not whilst mine is me crying in the lib in front of a blank screen where my essay is supposed to be.

2. No PDA in the library

EVER.

3. You can’t get mad if you’re on the library balcony and people are chatting

It’s the architectural equivalent of a loophole.

4. NEVER tell people you’re done / how far ahead you are if they didn’t ask

Telling your parents is the only exception.

5. Under no circumstances should you be using baby-talk with anyone in the library

Or anywhere on campus for that matter – and yes, maybe this is a personal vendetta against the people at the seat next to me last Friday in the library.

6. You’re not morally superior if you haven’t deferred or mitigated anything

Okay, you’re organised – we get it, congratulations *sarcastic clapping*.

7. You didn’t discover Studiosity, so don’t act like you did

Destiny’s Childish has entered the chat.

8. Check every now and then that you can’t hear your headphone noise externally

Sincerely, everyone.

9. Library stairs = free to make as much noise as you want

Glorious snippets of the normal outside world every time those doors open.

10. Unless you’re in the law library, take your phone call outside of the lib

Internal applause every time someone picks up with a whispered “hang on, I’m in the library” whilst getting out of their chair.

11. Pyjamas are acceptable clothing

24/7.

12. No staring at people who are crying

I promise I’m trying to be quiet.

13. No death glaring people who accidentally make noise

Including but not limited to: clanking a metal water bottle, an accidental laptop email notification, eating a croissant from a paper bag, and sneezing.

14. If you’re a first year, get out of the library

Whether you claim it’s because you have exams, a year abroad, or placement year – respectfully, I don’t care, please get out.

15. If you make awkward eye contact with the person opposite you, both act like it didn’t happen

Please, my social anxiety cannot take it.

16. No death glaring people eating their lunch in the library

Unless it’s tuna mayo or causes excessively loud crunching.

17. Don’t look at someone if their stomach rumbles

I’m not stopping the first flow I’ve had in three months just for the dish of the day.

18. Don’t wear excessively strong aftershave or perfume

I have to sit roughly 10 cm away from you, the entire bottle of Sí you’re exuding is bringing back secondary school mean-girl trauma.

19. You can’t get mad if people have temporarily left their seat

We all need a break to go and scream into a pillow x.

20. NEVER steal someone’s desk

The audacity of pushing someone’s stuff to the side.

21. Under no circumstances is it acceptable to play any form of audio out loud

Repeated snatched snippets of TikTok audios will exacerbate my insanity.

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If you’ve done 15/17 of these things you’re definitely doing a dissertation

25 things that are easier to do in Exeter than write your dissertation