Urban Outfitters has released a uni essentials list and it’s as try-hard as you’d expect

Oh thank god, I don’t know what I would have done without my Sylvanian Families at uni

Every year, John Lewis releases a uni essentials list with everything you might need for university and it’s the most middle-class thing you’ve ever seen. Featuring a soup maker and a ceramic lamp, it’s always the most ridiculous and unessential list in the world.

PrettyLittleThing also recently made a list of all the basic things it thinks are uni essentials. But now everyone’s favourite certified “edgy” brand Urban Outfitters has just cashed in on the trend and released an essentials list of it own and well, it’s exactly what you’d expect from Urban Outfitters.

There’s so much to pack for uni and lots of things that can be considered essential (Dishmatic dish sponge I’m looking at you). But according to Urban Outfitters, just pack the world’s smallest UNO, a glow in the dark toilet and some Sylvanian Families and you’ll be grand.

Here are the most ridiculous and ‘edgy’ things on the Urban Outfitters uni essentials list:

Record player, £349

Starting off strong with a record player that costs nearly £350. I’m sorry but if you bring a record player to uni I’m going to automatically assume that you’re a pretentious dickhead who exclusively listens to The Smiths and insists that they’re underground.

Plus, what student do you know that has 350 quid to splash on a record player? Invest in a decent bluetooth speaker because there’s no way you’re whipping this out at pres and not spilling cheap wine all over it.

World’s smallest UNO, £9

Via Urban Outfitters

There’s actually a whole selection of world’s tiniest games on Urban Outfitter’s essentials list including a tiny Monopoly and tiny Hungry Hippos. Games are definitely a shout for uni and something like playing cards will definitely come in handy but literally just buy a normal size? A normal sized pack of UNO costs four quid on Amazon, you don’t need to spend double on something that looks like it could be a choking hazard.

‘Smoko Macho Nacho Mochi Plush’, £30

Via Urban Outfitters

Nah because if I went home with someone after a night out and this monstrosity was sitting on their bed I’d be out of there in seconds. In what world is this essential?

Bringing a childhood teddy or even something like a Jellycat is cute but this? I’ll automatically think you’re gonna bark at me or something.

Sylvanian families, £20

Now this is the best one yet. Bloody Sylvanian Families. I’m actually screaming at the way they’re all just perched having a great old time on a record player. Having a boogie. Truly the most Urban Outfitters thing I’ve ever seen. There’s three types of family available on the list: hedgehogs, rabbits and squirrels, and you get a family of four for £20.

Tell me the creator of Sylvanian Drama isn’t also an intern at Urban Outfitters because I can’t see any other way these managed to wrangle themselves into a uni essentials list?

‘Fuck Anxiety’ mug, £10

Omg, one sip of Yorkshire Tea from this bad boy and all my anxiety has disappeared. Thanks SO much Urban Outfitters.

DJ Decks, £569

Not the decks, Urban, please not the decks. The Leeds or Bristol student target market here is real. If you go to uni at somewhere like Leeds, Manchester or Bristol, you’re definitely going to find yourself at a house party where some wannabe DJ is coming through with probably the worst remixes you’ve ever heard. But I’m sorry £569?? Criminal.

LED Toilet light, £14

At first I thought this was just a glow in the dark toilet and Urban had branched into a new plumbing range but no, this is just an LED light you can stick in your loo because having strip lights around the top of your room or under your bed isn’t insufferable enough. But like, isn’t this just gonna get absolutely covered in shit? Toilet party time!

Puff puff pass cushion, £32

Guaranteed the poor designer here just did a quick Google of “young person” or “university student”, stumbled across a Pinterest board of someone smoking and ran with it. The colours are pretty but, again, if I walk into your room and this is sat on your unmade bed then I’m straight out of there.

Plasma globe lamp, £16

Via Urban Outfitters

Oh thank GOD this is on here. I don’t know how I’d have made it through Freshers’ Week without a plasma globe lamp at my side! Honestly, this looks like it belongs on CBBC in 2008.

Disco toilet roll holder, £14

And of course! You can’t have a light up toilet with out a matching light up toilet roll holder, duh!

No music, no life print, £60

So true Urban, so true. If someone had this in their room I’d have no choice but to assume that they couldn’t name me a single song from literally any band ever. Definitely feels very compensating for something and pretending to be cool.

You can buy this bad boy in three sizes with the biggest one costing 60 quid.

Bubble tea night light, £60

Very 2015 vibes. Might be cute for some ambience but I’ve never met anyone who likes bubble tea enough to have it reincarnated into a night light I’m afraid. Just buy some Primark fairy lights and be done with it.

Cat laundry basket, £39

You know those people that are a bit too obsessed with cats that it becomes weird? That’s what this laundry basket is giving. By the end of the year you’ll be dragging your smelly socks to the Circuit Laundry machines in a crusty old Tesco bag for life, you don’t need a cat themed washing basket.

Featured image via Urban Outfitters

Related stories recommended by this writer:

John Lewis has released its uni essentials range and it’s the most middle-class one yet

PrettyLittleThing has a uni room essentials list and it’s as basic as you’d imagine

Quiz: Do a food shop and we’ll tell you which Russell Group uni you should actually go to