Ranking all the songs on the Addison Rae EP by how hard they win the IDGAF awards

The high camp performance art of these hollow pop bangers must be studied

9 months ago

The mythical day has arrived: Addison Rae has released AR, an EP of empty vessel, hollow pop bangers that sound like they were made for Jocelyn in The Idol to sing whilst The Weeknd presides over proceedings. With a pop career originally sniffed at as disposable, the lore of Addison Rae has become a level of IDGAF awards camp where her music and lost album took on a life of its own with the chronically online. Due to the demand of, let’s face it, Gay Twitter – Addison Rae is finally releasing AR – five vacuously iconic pop songs, one even has Charli XCX aboard for the ride. Here’s a review of all the songs on AR by Addison Rae, ranked by how hard they don’t give a fuck.

5. Nothing On (But The Radio)

The reason why Nothing On (But The Radio) is by far the worst song on this EP is because it gives too much of a fuck. A song originally penned by Lady Gaga in 2010 that has done industry rounds for over a decade before ending in the lap of The Rae, Nothing On (But The Radio) sounds like it’s from a maximalist pop age that sounds jarring amongst the lowkey purred nature of the rest of the track list. Addison also attempts somewhat of a belt in the middle eight and I think I speak for everyone when I say we wish she didn’t.

4. It Could’ve Been U

Stay with me but… this sounds like a Jonas Brothers song. I actually mean that as a big compliment, and it’s no slight to any review of Addison Rae songs ranked here that she’s giving a CBA Jonas Brothers chorus.

3. I Got It Bad

This is one of those unreleased songs that took on a life of its own before getting an official release. Her vocal delivery on the verses here is just… Beyond belief. You know how when you listen to Selena Gomez songs and you think, wow, this artist has such a grip on her whispered vocals? Addison Rae manages the same thing but, like, worse. I can’t tell if she’s in on the joke or not, but feel like she’s starting to be. This is… a great pop song. No one has ever sounded less arsed about singing about something that could ruin their life.

2. 2 Die 4 (feat. Charli XCX)

This is actually the first ever Addison Rae song I heard, thanks to my friend and his fascination with CBA songs. Today I woke up to a text from another mate simply saying “Why is her neck to die for?” It’s a great question, but one that giving an answer to would simply defeat the point. Charli XCX gets it, though. The Aitchison always gets it.

1. Obsessed

Erm, wow. I love when a song gets critically panned then reassessed as everyone checks their snobbery and realises there’s actually something very addictive to the songs that are nothing more than head empty, vibes only. Obsessed is cavernously hollow – just a plain of nothingness and I love it. I love it so much. It numbs me to the world and makes me feel like the sexiest bitch live, all whilst barely even breaking a sweat. The crowning jewel of not giving a fuck pop. We bow to The Rae.

@harrisonbrock

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