I tried the no-ghost dating app you’ve seen all over Twitter and frankly, it’s hell
Having to actually tell someone I’m not vibing with them? I’m going to be sick
Listen, I’m against ghosting as much as the next person. Being on the receiving end of dead air after you’ve late-night-called, gone on dates and compared hand-sizes with someone isn’t fun. My self-esteem isn’t made of stone – it truly sucks.
But I’m sure we can all agree the rules don’t usually apply to dating apps, right? Having a chat with a match which doesn’t really go beyond “hey”, before letting things silently die is just plain politeness if you ask me. I don’t exactly fancy telling someone to their face that I’m going bored out of my mind just messaging them – so why on Earth would I want to meet up irl?
Which is why, when someone on Twitter uncovered a new, no-ghosting dating app, I felt prematurely mortified. With more rules and regulations than the SAS, the Tame app simply refuses to let you end a conversation without explicitly giving a reason why.
God this sounds awful! pic.twitter.com/vWoE0PrDIJ
— striking workers appreciator (@_georgina666) January 2, 2023
Call me an out-of-touch Gen-Z’er all you like, but this is my personal idea of hell. So, naturally, I had to try it out. This is everything you need to know about one of Twitter’s least-favourite dating apps – including every single restriction, broken down for your entertainment!
The screening process
Forget everything you know about signing up for dating apps. You’re not in Tinder country anymore – this is uncharted territory.
Before adding in your pics, details and dating questionnaire (yes, you read that correctly), you have to read through Tame’s seemingly-endless community guidelines first.
I’m not going to bash the app for trying to promote intentional dating. Mindfully picking out potential partners with a view to getting serious isn’t inherently a bad thing – so only being able to chat to one person at a time actually sounds like a good idea to those who are looking for that. But, for some reason, the rules become more rogue as you swipe on.
This seems like a good time to point out that swiping through users is BANNED (underlined, all caps, bold and offset with a thousand exclamation marks). Tame has consciously decided not to make it a feature because it’s apparently “dehumanising” – instead, you have to set up your own dating questionnaire for potential matches to answer when they “like” you. I honestly can’t see the appeal at all, unless stacks of admin is your *thing*.
We then come to the biggest – er, selling point – of Tame: The no-ghost feature. If you match with someone and you’re not feeling it, you have to provide them with feedback before you’re allowed to speak to other people. The best part is, you get to choose from a “comprehensive list” of icky, cringey reasons like, “their answers didn’t match my expectations”. IMAGINE RECEIVING THAT MESSAGE. I’d die, I think.
Also, if you’re busy and/or inactive on Tame for seven days, this is classed as “problematic behaviour” and your account will be hidden from other people. So you’d better have it running in the background at all times, or you’re basically a filthy time-waster.
After you’ve set up your profile, users who fancy you have to answer each of your questions before they decide to match, and vice versa. Oh, and if someone’s answered your questions but you don’t like the look of them? Yeah. You have to tell them. I feel sick to my stomach.
Once you’ve decided you’re ready to answer someone’s questions, it takes you to a weird little DM-y corner of the app which looks like you’re starting a conversation with them. Except you’re not. Because they could absolutely still reject you at this point. The whole thing is chaperoned by the Tame “Chatbot”, so you’re not even technically alone. I hate it.
After answering a user’s questions, the chat stays in your DMs with an “in progress” status while the person decides whether you’re too rank to continue the conversation. If they like you, you can carry on chatting with them. If they don’t, you get to find out exactly why!
I think I’ve made my feelings pretty clear already, but to highlight: This is pretty much the most anxiety-provoking, self-esteem-wrecking, vomit-inducing dating app I’ve ever used. And I think one Twitter user summed it up the most hilariously when they said – “this isn’t a dating app, it’s a hostage situation”.