How to eat a girl out, by disappointed straight girls
Oh god, please stop JABBING ME WITH YOUR TONGUE
Dear boys, unfortunately we meet again. But this time we thought it would be beneficial for you to master the trade of the tongue in explaining how to eat a girl out.
And trust us, most of you need to know. Desperately. Because we've all had plenty of disappointing experiences to know exactly what we're talking about.
Every girl is different, but there are some universal rules of oral sex that apply to everyone. So make sure you don't break them:
Just like to make this clear, we’re talking about going down on girls. You know, using your tongue? So please boys, and girls, tell me why you think finger blasting me whilst also attempting to lick around go well together. It doesn’t. It actually completely distracts from the job at hand, which is you salivating your way to success.
So besides not hammering away at me, the most important thing you need to understand is that you must continue doing exactly what you started doing when you realised I was going to climax. For some reason, many of you think switching it up and changing rhythm is good and exciting. It isn’t. It completely ruins whatever you’d successfully built up and now you have to start all over again. Which isn’t fun for me or you.
Patience is key. Lick away, keep going at it in the same rhythm and before you know it, BOOM. Climax central!
Before we get to the main act, how you get there is important. Firstly, make sure the girl is comfortable, because no matter how good you may be, not much will happen if she’s not relaxed and enjoying it. You can start off with a few kisses on the inner thigh, it’s always better to build it up rather than going straight for the home run.
Now, you gotta know your basic anatomy here because there are a few pleasure points. If you don’t know what you’re doing, you may think all you need to do is lick around and hope for the best but you’ve got to locate that clit.
Here you can vary the pressure and speed at which you lick and kiss it. Go ahead, add a few fingers and don’t forget you can lick in various places. Go down to the actual vagina and tongue fuck it. Have patience my friend and just listen for the change in her breath. The faster it gets, the more she likes it. When she’s coming, don’t stop. There’s nothing worse than someone stopping when it still feels good.
The number one thing to remember is Do. Not. Rush. How is she supposed to get in the mood and enjoy it if you’re acting like it’s a get in, get out, race to the finish line kinda job? And don’t just go rushing straight down there either. The whole build up is the best bit: kiss her neck, squeeze her boobs, lick her thighs.
Tease her to the point where she’s begging for it, and then you’re getting somewhere. Slow and steady definitely wins the race in this case: washing machine syndrome doesn’t work when you’re kissing someone, and it definitely doesn’t work when you’re going down on someone.
Take it slow, flick your tongue about a bit – gently, it’s not a buzzer you have to bash to get a prize – and vary the pressure a bit. Just don’t go rummaging all over the place and constantly changing the tempo cos that’s distracting and a sure fire way to end it before it even began.
Just listen to the girl, and when she grabs your hair and tells you not to stop, don’t stop.
First things first you have to wait until the time is right. I know it’s exciting and I know you can’t WAIT to get down there but there’s nothing worse than jumping the gun when I'm not even feeling it. If you want to give me the best oral sex of my life, you have to be invested. Position yourself in a way where you won't get tired after a minute, because it takes the average woman 20 minutes to climax when someone is licking her out.
You can even bring in a small vibrator to help you along, there's nothing like a little double action. Then the build up should be like a crescendo – increase the pressure and speed. You could try a little side to side tongue motion or even an up and down rhythm. Whatever makes her moan more.
Just because tongues are squishy doesn't mean they can't inflict pain. Sometimes guys use them so hard I turn into this weird twitching wreck – but not in a good way.
Also, you don't have to cover so much surface area, you’re not supposed to be cleaning my vagina, sometimes rubbing a tiny area for a long time is good. If you get to a spot and the girl starts shuddering then just chill there for a while.
Stop switching up the rhythm so often, every time you do I have to restart building up to an orgasm, but then also do change the rhythm otherwise I’ll get bored and start thinking about that parcel I’ve got to return.
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