Trixie Mattel emotionally opens up about impact of her relationship breakdown after Drag Race
‘I never experienced such profound loss’
RuPaul’s Drag Race icon Trixie Mattel has emotionally opened up about the impact her relationship breakdown from her long term partner impacted her life.
She spoke about the difficult time during an appearance on Paloma Faith’s Mad, Sad and Bad podcast, admitting the whole thing made her feel like she was going insane.
She explained: “I went through a separation. It was with somebody that I had done television with. We were on TV together, we opened a motel together.
“Because of the way TV works, we had filmed a whole season of television about us and our home but we had since separated.
“One of the craziest I’d ever felt was that being on TV but that relationship not being in place anymore. It was like your secret that that relationship wasn’t happening anymore.”
Trixie Mattel explained that she really struggled performing whilst going through the split, as she was doing a RuPaul’s Drag Race tour at the time.
She confirmed: “Oh yes, there were times in the last few years where I couldn’t even get my makeup on. I would cry during the makeup, on stage between songs, during costume changes, walk off stage and cry.
“It was like an idling panic attack for so long. I would wake up heart racing and just try to calm down so I could get in drag.
“Those types of episodes when they’re long they start so gradually, one piece at a time, now I look back and I’m like, that’s so unmanageable and crazy.”
She also explained that she’d never “experienced such profound loss” in her life, adding: “I felt like I was on television telling a story that felt dishonest in a way.
“I never felt really dishonest with the audience before. It made me feel ashamed. Oh my God, I was a mess.”
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