This is what your choice of pancake topping says about you as a Manchester student

Two and a half weeks after Valentine’s, Pancake Day arrives as God’s apology to single man. A well-earned reward after an influx of the worst Instagram Stories you’ll witness all year. Hurrah – have a pancake.

But just what does that pancake say about you, as a whole? It’s a very effective way to make judgements about the sort of people you want in your life. I know it keeps you up at night, so I’m here to put you out of your misery – here’s what your pancake topping reveals about your character.

Lemon and sugar

Tasty and simple. The type of person you see in your lectures weekly – you never talk to them, but you share eye contact and a weak smile occasionally. You once knew their name, but now you’ve forgotten. They’re from a place you’ve always been aware of, but could never point out on a map, like Hertfordshire or Cheltenham. Sweet but forgettable.

Nutella and fruit

The everyman of modern pancakes. You’re not a risk taker, but you’re fun and in touch with your inner child. You probably really got a kick out of Courtyard and had a large Factory phase, but come on – we all did! A combination loved by all – Nutella or Nutoka.

Golden syrup

You’re classy, you’re Chinawhite and Spinningfields and those apartments in Deansgate where all the influencers live. You’re also therefore a little bit bland. My advice is to let your hair down – muck in with the rest of them and open that Lotus spread. Live!

Cheese

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Do real people consume this? I’ve only ever seen a savoury pancake in the wild when my dad was let loose in the Pancake House at Centre Parcs. I’ll say to you what I said to him then – have an omelette you coward!

Jam

Posh and a bit “rah”. Jam pancakes can have only been introduced through an au-pair.

Pistachio creme

I can just hear the boomers saying “this is so woke”. I guess pistachio is having her moment, what with her recent appearance in the viral Dubai chocolate. If you’re having a pistachio pancake, my assumption about you is that you’re very online. Me too, though.