The 10 stages of pulling an all nighter in the library

Your self-certs have all been used, yet your blissful, hedonistic student lifestyle has continued, business as usual. Piled deadlines are the result, and there’s only one solution: library all-nighters. We’ve all done them, and if you haven’t yet, you will (don’t kid yourself). As exam season looms, it’s time to grab ahold of your last minute academic comeback.

1. Study-prep

You don’t just simply launch into an all-nighter, of course. This is a precise science, requiring meticulous planning and preparation beforehand. You need the supplies – energy drinks, laptop charger, a pillow – and you need to stake out the best spot in the library. Guaranteed all-nighter success requires you to venture deep into the building, to lessen the temptation to leave later on.

2. The evening

This is the easy bit, assemble your notes, write a couple lines or solve a few formulas then kick back and relax. The hours stretch before you like a vast and comfortable blanket. There’s no way you won’t have this done by midnight.

3. Phone break

Hell, you’re doing so well, why not take a break? A couple minutes on TikTok can’t hurt, just to take the edge off. You’ve been working pretty hard, so if anything, this can only increase your productivity in the long run. Oh god, you’ve been scrolling for an hour, back to it…

4. Run out of notes

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You can’t tell how this happened, but somehow your hours of research and study have fallen short of the task required. It’s past 12, and you’re suddenly confronted by the need to research an entirely new point, having thrown everything you had at the essay already. This is…. probably fine, right? Just don’t panic.

5. Wander aimlessly

Walking stimulates blood flow to the brain, which you’ll need by this point to bolster the raw caffeine currently ravaging your body. Have an explore of the now creepily empty building; try out all the chairs, use the lift aimlessly. Where are you going? What are you trying to escape? You don’t want to think about it.

6. Second phone break

You’re on your phone again, and you can’t actually tell why. Somewhere between finding a research paper and googling a citation format your muscle memory opened Instagram reels instead, and now another hour’s gone and it feels like you’ve actively lost your mind doing this essay. Ok, now you’re panicking.

7. The witching hour

It’s always the darkest before the dawn. You read that somewhere once, possibly among the dozens of research papers you’ve skim read in the last hour, as you fight sleep and caffeine shakes. Emotionally you lurch between total despair and wild optimism. You’ll either complete this assignment and then two additional modules of reading, or you’ll quit your degree and live as a farmer in Bolivia.

8. Birdsong

Outside you can hear birds – is it unreasonable to think they’re laughing at you? Your assignment by now is a rambling, incoherent screed of citations, stats, and waffle. If you are killed for simply living, let death be kinder than man – that’s probably the vibe now. Just get this over with.

9. Done!

That’s it! It’s over! The couple of early riser students who filtered into the library in the past hour can’t possibly appreciate just how momentous a task you’ve completed. Possibly they’re slightly scared of you. Round up the debris of the night, and limp gratefully towards the exit.

10. Final phone break

You deserve it. Well done you.