Flatcest and crusty toothpaste: The 28 signs you are the uni housemate from hell

If you moved into a second-year house with your first-year flatmates approximately three weeks after meeting them in Freshers’, you probably know a thing or two about hellish housemates.

You all bonded over ring of fire within days of meeting each other and vowed to stay together for the rest of uni despite having literally nothing in common apart from vodka.

Now you’re suffering through your second year and the honeymoon phase of first year has worn off. You’re all ill, constantly hungover, three essays behind on deadlines and worst of all, you hate literally every single one of your housemates.

But there are undoubtedly some housemates that are worse than others. So here are all the signs that you are truly the uni housemate from hell. So if you check even a few of these, I’m sorry to tell you – it’s you, the problem is you.

1. You leave all your hair in the drain after you shower

Jokes on you I am planning on collecting it all and stealing your identity x

2. Your boyfriend stays over six days a week

Not only that but your boyfriend takes four showers a day and always cranks the heating up to 29 degrees. You’re already insufferable enough why do I have to put up with the male version?

3. You watch TikToks at full volume in the living room when the whole house is trying to watch telly 

And you can 100 per cent bet they’re just not funny at all.

4. You move out before any of the cleaning can be done

“Oh sorry girls my family booked the Bali trip for then so I’ll be gone by the 26th!”

5. You’re a massive cheapskate

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You defo have loads of money but you force your housemate to pay you back the 6p the one time you manage to buy washing up liquid.

6. You always forget your keys on a night out

There’s only so many nights being woken up at 4am to pounding on the door when you’ve got a 9am that one person can put up with. Not only that but when you get in you try and talk the ears of about your night to your poor housemate who could not give less of a shit about the guys you got off with.

7. Your fridge shelf reeks

You leave rotting meat that drips down to the shelf of your veggie housemate. Grim.

8. You vomit in the sink that everyone does their perfect skincare routines in 

The toilet is literally 10cm away from the sink why would you choose the sink? Then for the rest of the year you get aggy that it doesn’t drain properly.

9. You’re forever stealing the batteries from the TV remote

Girl we all know why you need several triple As a week just buy your own and save yourself the stress.

10. You try and enforce a cleaning rota

Chill out and choose peace for once!

11. You send aggy messages to the group chat at 8pm

It’s fine when you’re the one waking everyone up in the middle of the night, but when you decide you’re having a self care evening no one is allowed to even have a conversation in the kitchen past 8pm without being shot down by an aggy text.

12. You leave passive agressive notes everywhere 

Worse than the text is the passive aggressive sticky note. Bonus points if they’re in pretty shapes and you got them from Papier x

13. You hog the telly with your shitty tv choices

Get The Big Bang Theory OFF my screen right now. I am not evading the law and not paying for the TV licence for this.

14. You never buy the loo roll

And when you do you everyone has to know about it or you keep it in your room hidden under your bed.

15. You never remember to pay the rent or bills on time 

You’re the reason everyone gets charged extra for your rent not being on time when we all know daddy transfers you the money every month.

16. Always forgetting to take your washing out of the machine

It sits there going damp and mouldy and stopping other people from actually having clean underwear.

17. You don’t flush the loo and are constantly leaving skid marks in the toilet 

“They’re not mine I swear!!”

18. You never take the bins out

You just stack your grotty rubbish on top like some shit game of Jenga.

19. You smoke inside 

Trust, sticking your head out the window and sticking a sock over the fire alarm isn’t cutting it. Just put your slippers on and get your arse outside, I beg.

20. You leave half your meal in the sink

I’m sorry I subjected you to this image.

21. You try and pretend your degree is harder than everyone else’s

You 100 per cent study psychology. If you do this you are the epitome of a uni housemate from hell.

22. People aren’t allowed to talk through the film you’re watching but you natter through everyone else’s 

As soon as you don’t get your own way as to what film the house is watching for movie night you decide that everyone needs to hear about your family holiday to Dubai when you were 10.

23. You leave crusty toothpaste in the sink

Just rinse it away??

24. You commit flatcest and make everything awkward for everyone else

But when people complain that you have ruined the house dynamic your excuse is that “It’s for the plot!”

25. You shame your flatmates for what they’re eating

“Omg is that not the fourth takeaway this week?”

26. You subject everyone else to your god awful music taste

And you can bet it’s like Ed Sheeran or someone shit booming out your Bose speaker.

27. You can’t cook

You judge what other people are eating yet you eat pasta with just ketchup.

28. Your mum is always round judging how messy the house is 

Your flatmates are hungover and watching Come Dine With Me re-runs they really don’t need your Tory mum barging in with the crusty white dog and the Dettol complaining how messy the kitchen is.

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