Here’s which Taylor Swift song your first year Exeter Uni hall is, based on vibes

Finally, we will answer this age old question: “Which Taylor Swift song matches the vibe of my first year halls?” Although we aren’t necessarily defined by our first year accommodation, I would say it certainly has an impact on how we are perceived during our university experience. After all, “Which halls are you in?” is one of the most asked questions in Freshers’ Week, alongside “What sport do you play?” and “Which private school did you go to?”.

So, here’s a question you can ask instead: “Which Taylor Swift songs is your accommodation?”. I’m sure you’ll get it all the time. So, please don’t blame me for the facts that you are about to read, it’s just the vibes!

St Germans – Cardigan

Have you been feeling like an old cardigan under someone’s bed? It’s because you live in St Germans. It is probably the best description of St Germans…ever. St Germans is quiet and the people there do tend to live a more low-key uni existence. However, if you’re feeling like you do want to get out more, dust off that cardigan, drag yourself on over to Cornwall House laundry room (during opening hours), pay the low low price of £5 for a wash and dry and you will be left with a damp and questionable smelling cardigan ready for your first big night out. Enjoy!

Penny C – This Is Why We Can’t Have Nice Things

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You are the Exetah stereotype, adorned with Barbour jackets and signet rings. I don’t know much about this elusive group, probably because I’m from Nottingham and I grew up actually working on the farm instead of channeling Harriet Bentley from Wild Child by taking pictures in Hunter boots, wearing tweed and holding dead pheasants. Penny C residents really only socialise with one another. But I do have to say that if I see one more post on Overheard about another precious signet ring that has been lost in TP I’m going to go feral. You do not deserve nice things if you willingly take them to the club. Daddy would be disappointed however I’m sure he already bought you a replacement signet ring and a pony to stop you whining like Veruca Salt.

Birks Grange – High Infidelity

Every single guy I have met from Birks had a girl at home but that didn’t stop them from committing flatcest, floorcest and hallscest. Sorry to all those girls who got cheated on by a Birks guy. They should have said no. However, what can you expect when dating a London (Surrey) boy?

Holland Hall – The Last Great American Dynasty

The trajectory from boarding school to Holland Hall is a well known one. The social life here consists of nightly debates, usually about whose father owns the largest company and how many times they are going to ski this year. The answers are usually “me” and “three”.

Mardon Hall – I Forgot That You Existed

I would say forgettable but I am pretty sure that I have never heard of this halls before. I had to Google it. I trawled Overheard for something juicy or at least telling but alas nothing. Please confirm if this halls does exist or if it is as my suspicions go, actually Neverland.

East Park – I Can See You

My former halls, full of happiness and good memories alongside less good memories of being kept up til 4am every night by a rhythmically challenged but persistent couple. Ahhh the good old days of first year. I hope they are doing well and have perhaps invested in a metronome for the greater good. Another downside to East Park however is it’s copiously sized windows. Nice big windows to let the light in. Initially I appreciated them.

However, every time I would be walking up the treacherous steps of East Park to retrieve a package from reception I saw many a naked resident. It was like I was Phoebe Buffay in that Friends episode where she sees Monica and Chandler hooking up: “My eyes, my eyes!”. In East Park there are two blinds in every window, please learn to use at least one so that your neighbours don’t have to see you, or all of you.

Duryard – The Outside

Duryard is literally in the middle of nowhere. It’s far, it’s small and you have to walk for ages to get to a decent pres. Its Reputation (see what I did there) has never been worse and if you’re currently suffering through first term as a Duryard resident, please know that it only gets worse.

Old Lafrowda – Castles Crumbling

This halls really is nothing new and I have never been anywhere cold as Old Laf but it has charm. Not really much else to say except I hope you survive the Great War that is the Forever Winter of Old Laf.

New Lafrowda – The Lucky One

You are the lucky one however you do still have to go up Forum Hill like the rest of us. You did get the most popular accommodation but you will be picking up bottles like it’s New Years Day every morning after holding every pres, ever.

Moberly – Sad Beautiful Tragic

Exeter was not your first choice, you do not want to be here and you want everyone to know that. But seriously mopey Moberly, you wonder why nobody comes to your pres. Liven up a little. Even though your halls does give…prison, sharing a bathroom with like 16 other people is a great warm up for second year. Besides, if you hate it that much then call up the ‘rents and ask them to swing by in the getaway car, Kent is calling out to you.

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