Every disaster that will happen in a second year uni house in Newcastle

From halls to houses – the change may seem daunting. The second year is notorious for not only its workload but also the wonderful, occasionally slightly nauseating student houses. The truth is stark, but the experience is even better – there is nothing like a trauma bond to kick start a year of love and friendship x

From the beloved Jesmond to the county-renowned Sandyford and Heaton, here are all the ways your second year house might fall apart…

The secret/suspicious garden

This is a tame disaster that is familiar to many second year students, as there is nothing more that screams move-in day like that cup of suspicious liquid left in your few square metres of concrete outside, presumably left by the previous tenants (or the ones before).

Similarly, nothing feels more homely than a tree growing through the wall…

Climbing into bed

As we climb the ladder of student disasters, have a look at a literal ladder… that leads up to one unfortunate second year’s bed. Nothing better after a long day to quite literally climb into bed.

Not to mention what might occur after one too many trebs at Market Shaker.

Unwelcome visitors

Ah, a tale as old as time, nothing smells more like a student street than the stench of rodents. From rats and mice to silverfish and cockroaches, it’s a stubborn disaster that haunts second years like the plague. This calls for a special shout-out to a second year in Lady Barn, Manchester who moved in to find 15 of them. Dead. All over the kitchen floor.

A few plumbing issues

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Students are all too familiar with property issues that stubborn landlords are slow to fix, but this personal anecdote takes the cake. A second year flat…with no water…for two months. A disaster that takes the meaning of the word to new levels.

While some houses grapple with too much water (damp walls and overflowing toilets), this flat stays dryer than the Sahara. Poor second years.

A first-week fallout

Nothing is worse than an argument before the year has truly begun – the tension, the anxiety, the unease. You may not call this a disaster until you’re doing your cooking and washing up together in stone-cold silence. Of course, this is completely avoidable if you play your cards right!

Remember, studios are always an option.

Neighbours from hell

First years can kiss their good night’s sleep bye-bye if they are moving anywhere near the infamous Osborne Road.

West Jesmond comes with perks, such as great nightlife, (some) picturesque streets and great food, however, part of the package is neighbours who sound like they want to be recruited for a second year, perhaps southern, version of Geordie Shore.

Oh and watch where you step, glass will be smashed.

Project X

Throwing a big party is all fun, drinking and games until the morning comes, accompanied by an odd smell coming from the living room and an ever-nastier smell coming from the bathroom. We won’t even talk about the mess. From holes in the walls to sticky things that won’t come out of the carpet, it is a rite of passage for every second year house.

You can say goodbye to that hefty damage deposit.

Getting beaned

In true Jesmond fashion, it is almost a ritual for poor, unsuspecting second years to open their front door to a suspicious pile of beans. More of an honour than a disaster, it is a somewhat initiation into the calamity that is second year, which is all about house parties, Bar Blanc and beans, apparently.

Sorry x.

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