Closed douche stations and traumatic food: Inside Whole, the chaotic ‘gay Fyre Festival’

This weekend held Whole Festival, a lakeside industrial park homed arts and culture festival located just outside of Berlin. The festival is meant to be a place of queer euphoria – three days of camping filled with DJ sets, workshops and art installations in a vibey setting that no Instagram pic could look bad in. I’m sure most of Whole Festival was just that, but after a few gays shared some dramas that have been kicking off around the weekend at Whole Festival, including closed douche station showers and food that looks truly traumatic, Whole has been getting playfully dubbed “the gay Fyre Festival”. Here’s what’s been going down.

The douching station

WHAT DID I JUST READ? pic.twitter.com/bcPskJ9axj

— Patch (@PatchMcScratchy) July 28, 2023

Yep, Whole Festival has a dedicated ‘douche station’ for its guests to get prepped for anal sex. This is of course quite unorthodox, with Whole themselves saying the station is a pilot. It costs five euro per visit, to cover the costs and maintenance. The description and rules for the douche station are as follows. One, don’t try and push your ‘main shit of the day’ out in the shower container – go the toilet first. You get given a douching attachment for the shower head and then you’re meant to clean the room down yourself, giving the head back to staff for disinfection after.

Erm, the douche station allegedly got closed because people pooed in there

UPDATE: The douche station has been closed because people were doing their ‘main shit of the day’ there 😩😭

My thoughts and prayers are with all the bottoms at Whole Festival rn pic.twitter.com/xB4bLAE2qy

— Patch (@PatchMcScratchy) July 30, 2023

Yep, the douche station allegedly got people’s main poos done in there which meant it got shut. In a statement to The Tab from Whole Festival, their press team stated “Our douching station was up and running the entire festival. It was closed for some hours for scheduled cleaning and to fix lights.”

Food chaos

there is no food but you *can* get a fibrous snack called ‘overnight oats’, the power has run out and the app also tells you when it’s about to rain and did you know that there is a thunderstorm at the communal douching station pic.twitter.com/IU9i4vYi9K

— Bertie Darrell (@bertiedarrell) July 29, 2023

One guest said the food huts were shut, too – causing chaos when storms were rolling in. Whole Festival said to The Tab “We did had a problem with electricity for a few hours because of the thunderstorm, but this was fixed all the while food vendors were operating.”

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hole festival has finally worked out how to conjure up food and it’s this weird combination of pasta, fried onions and jam what the fucking hell excuse me has happened here pic.twitter.com/rnyq6QMkcl

— Bertie Darrell (@bertiedarrell) July 30, 2023

The same attendee of Whole Festival then said the festival started doing food and was served “this weird combination of pasta, fried onions and jam – what the fucking hell has happened here?”

obsessed with watching gay Fyre Festival unfold on social media https://t.co/W6A24H14N8

— Louis Staples (@LouisStaples) July 30, 2023

All of this saga has had people on Twitter replying to the food and douche debacles at Whole Festival demanding Netflix make a documentary on it a la Fyre Festival – but the gay edition. I’m hooked on everything to do with the chaos, to be honest. I need to know how the bottoms survived without the douche station.

The Tab has approached Whole Festival for comment, and received back “Our douching station was up and running the entire festival. It was closed for some hours for scheduled cleaning and to fix lights. We did had a problem with electricity for a few hours because of the thunderstorm, but this was fixed all the while food vendors were operating.”

Related stories recommended by this writer:

• Inside Parklife 2023, a festival experience that felt like trying to survive an apocalypse 

• A fool proof guide to all the best festivals happening in the UK and abroad this summer

• A complete rundown of all the carnage that took place inside Reading and Leeds festival

Featured image via Whole Festival.