The best clubbers celebrating A-level results around the country
They got three Bs in their exams, but an A* in the lash
Once a year, something magical happens: 18-year-olds up and down the country open their A-level results, and the world is blessed with a whole new generation of soon-to-be-first-years.
We normally reserve these for term time, but for our future freshers we couldn’t resist. Here are the best clubbers of A-level results night 2016.
Spillage of the week
That’s lickage mate
Best B-movie henchmen
The Mechanic is a 2011 American action thriller film starring Jason Statham and Ben Foster
Bet he’s never actually been to the West Coast
Tbf we’re not even sure he plays basketball
Oi, lads! Ryan Lochte wasn’t actually robbed in Rio!
I shit you not boys, SPORTbible says he made it all up!
It’s that guy holding a steaming jug of freshly-made coffee?
We all like a mug of old Joe, but in a nightclub?
When you’re a solid bloke but also want to show your feminine side
Just cos I like my banter doesn’t mean I’m not a feminist
Oi, lads! I think it’s… beer o’clock!
Lash lash lash lash lash lash lash
If Romeo and Juliet was set in 2016
What light through yonder window breaks? ‘Tis Snapchat, and his dick pics are the sun
Is that… blood?
Who have you hurt?
When you get to uni, you’ll realise this is cultural appropriation
The SU have banned it anyway
When you can’t wait to go to uni to lose your virginity
Freshers of Lincoln, watch out
When everyone else gets a rolled-up newspaper except you
Mum said she didn’t want me getting papercuts
During the Vietnam War, the ‘V sign’ was widely adopted by the counterculture as a symbol of peace
Although a commonly repeated legend claims that the two-fingered salute or V sign derives from a gesture made by longbowmen fighting at the Battle of Agincourt
Bro, I think we just got a new profile picture.
All the chicks are gonna like this one
The moment before this guy was horribly rejected
I can’t look
Just kidding, they definitely shagged
Got you!
Thanks to Liquid & Envy Uxbridge, Oceana Watford, Valbon Hull and Rock Cafe Huddersfield for the photos.
Latest
Livestreamer’s family plead for help after saying she was kidnapped for ransom in Thailand
They’ve allegedly raised the ransom
The Glee stars who want to return, as Ryan Murphy confirms the reboot script is done
10 original cast members are ‘enthusiastic’ about coming back
Alfie Deyes just confirmed he and Zoe Sugg will be returning to YouTube at some point
They’re not gone forever!
University of Bath addresses claims of rugby club’s ‘disturbing and unacceptable behaviour’
Students have raised concerns about ‘spiking risks’
Meta is releasing a new AI charm device for your keys and it looks just like a Tamagotchi
You can customise your character
American Horror Story season 13 still feels ages away as people complain it’s ‘nowhere to be seen’
It’s out different at times across the world
The Lizzie Borden Story cast next to the real people show how accurate Netflix’s Monster is
At least it got one thing right
Aileen Wuornos had a husband and a child in further backstory Netflix’s Monster didn’t mention
Her husband was 49 years her senior
Emma Borden’s confused argument with a lawyer at Lizzie’s trial was very different in real life
She suddenly forgot what she’d earlier said
Footage of real Aileen Wuornos next to Monster on Netflix shows just how accurate scenes were
Monster gets a lot wrong, but Sarah Paulson gets everything right
Lizzie Borden’s sister gave a single interview 20 years later, saying the house was ‘unbearable’
‘As for her being guilty, I say no, and decidedly, no’
Aileen Wuornos’ tragic childhood explained, from her absent parents to life on the streets
Her past is explored in Monster
The healing power of housemates in eating disorder recovery
Friendships at university have more healing powers than initially perceived
40 years later, one of the Unsolved Mysteries cold cases has just been solved
Police thought they’d never have answers
Hudson Williams’ girlfriend condemns people going to her workplace and crossing ‘huge’ boundary
‘I didn’t ever want to have to say anything about this’
Family not informed of missing Lancaster student because ‘it was a weekend’, inquest told
The dad of Henry Shields called it ‘shocking’ the family was not contacted despite his son missing ‘three exams’
Calling all students and incoming freshers: Apply now for The Cambridge Tab’s editorial team
Applications close at 11.59pm on Monday 12th October
The real history behind Lizzie Borden’s pet doves, as shown in Netflix’s Monster
The storyline is loosely based on fact
If you’ve never burped in your life, there’s actually a medical name for it
It’s a recognised condition