Here’s which cheese your Uni of York college would be

With Christmas just around the corner, it’s time to bring out the cheese boards.

Of course, every good cheese board has a variety of cheeses and, just like the York colleges, all have their own unique qualities, their admirers and their critics. So, what better way to get into the festive spirit than find out what cheese your York college would be?

Constantine – Parmigiano-Reggiano

Since we’re talking about cheeseboards, what better place to start than with the ultimate lover of the high life, Constantine?

Of course, Constantine is going to be the finest cheese on the board, and like this luxury parmesan they will be telling you about their summer dinners in Italy and how well they go with a bottle of red wine. They will also be quick to comment that Parmigiano-Reggiano is not the same as Parmesan, and will probably correct your pronunciation.

Derwent – a blue cheese

Although perhaps not to everyone’s taste, like a blue cheese, Derwent certainly has character. Like a chunk of blue cheese which has been brought out to three Christmas parties in a row, Derwent is one more night out away from completely falling apart. The questionable exterior appearance of both Derwent and a blue cheese often leave them avoided by some, but those who give them a try often leave with a great appreciation for the experience.

Goodricke – mild cheddar

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It’s not unknown that Goodricke has been labelled the ‘boring college’ of York but, much like a classic mild cheddar, it’s frequently overlooked. Goodricke doesn’t possess the fancy sofas or TVs like its East counterparts, just as a mild cheddar is lacking the flare of the surrounding cheeses on the board, however where would we be without them? Sure, they might not be anything special, but you always know what you’re going to get with both the cheese and the college. They’re both reliable, inoffensive, and pair well with a good jacket potato (big up Spudricke).

James – a sweaty cheese

There’s always that one cheese on the board that’s sweating slightly but still enjoyed. Whether it’s from a morning trip to York sport village, a sports match, or even the occasional trip to Salvos, James shares this permanently slightly sweaty vibe. Much like the cheese that should probably have a break and return to the fridge, James, despite their jam-packed schedule, is always up for the next event.

Alcuin – cream cheese

Just as cream cheese possesses a subtle flavour, Alcuin college is defined by it’s quiet and understated character. A classic cream cheese bagel somehow encapsulates Alcuin’s put together vibes, and is similarly better paired with a cafe date (in their iconic Alcuin Kitchen perhaps?) than with a bottle of wine. Both cream cheese and Alcuin refuse to take centre stage, placed outside the central board and slightly apart from the central bustle of campus West, but are easygoing and appreciated by many.

Anne Lister – chilli Edam

Despite the hardness of it’s exterior, there’s something kind of fun about a chilli Edam, a quality it shares with one of the newer York colleges, Anne Lister, as demonstrated by their fancy games-filled common room. When it opened a couple of years ago, Anne Lister may have been compared to a boring regular Edam but it’s beginning to develop it’s own character with a little flare.

David Kato – Babybel

As the youngest of the colleges, David Kato is the Babybel of the university-cheeseboard. As Babybel is a miniature Edam, David Kato follows in the footsteps of Anne Lister, particularly in it’s aesthetic, and is perhaps still finding it’s feet. Much like a Babybel flaunts it’s genius packaging, Kato takes similar pride in state of the art technology such as touch screen radiators and flat-screen TVs. Like these individually wrapped cheeses, Kato enjoys it’s own space, with not a single shared bathroom in sight.

Vanbrugh – Halloumi

Think honey glazed Halloumi with sweet chilli sauce. It’s not always an element of the traditional cheeseboard, but it would certainly be acceptable, bringing the good and down-to-earth vibes that Vanbrugh provides to Campus West. Both honey glazed Halloumi and Vanbrugh students can frequently be found in any good hipster pub, and can always be relied upon to add that little artistic flare to the table.

Langwith – Camembert

As the sharing cheese of the board, Camembert unites bread-dippers around the table much as Langwith provides Campus East with any hope of a social hub through the Glasshouse. Despite not wanting to admit that it’s posh like it’s neighbouring Constantine, Langwith shares it’s high price with Camembert whilst retaining a more down-to-earth energy.

Halifax – a Cheestring

Who doesn’t love a Cheestring? Sure, it may not be a part of the cheeseboard, just as Halifax is a little out of the way, but this doesn’t mean they are any less appreciated. Halifax and a Cheestring share the fact that they can be split into multiple different strands, but still maintain their own unique identity. Neither Cheestrings nor Halifax take themselves too seriously and are always down for a good time.

Wentworth – extra mature cheddar

Like an extra mature cheddar, Wentworth post-grads have been around for a while. Despite the expectation that they should have grown a strong character, with a sophisticated and superior vibe, both the cheese and the students of this college are on the edge of breaking down.

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• We spoke to Rowan, the vibey York grad who was on the Great British Bake Off this year

• These are the five types of student personality you’ll find in every Uni of York seminar