If you wear any of these five items on UoN’s campus you need to sort it out

Wear skinny jeans in public and you won’t be taken seriously as a human being

Not enough attention is being drawn to the state of emergency the university campus is in lately. Fashion-wise that is. Whether you’re someone who sets out every part of their outfit the night before or that person who just chucks on whatever they can find five minutes before walking out the door, I’m sure there’s still a thing or two everyone can learn from this unofficial list of items that shouldn’t been seen on UoN campus.

Free Uni Hoodies

Before I pass judgment, I do have to admit that I did get myself one of the uni hoodies at the start of Freshers’ Week. It’s not the comfiest or most flattering hoodie I’ve ever worn but it does the job. Wearing your free uni hoodie is socially acceptable if you aren’t on campus or in public. It’s perfect for lounging around in your room, your flat kitchen taking the bins out etc.

It’s only a criminal offence when you step onto campus wearing one and there are those who dare to roam around on campus in them. I believe that the type of person who does this lives without fear and probably has nothing left to lose. There’s something about seeing a fellow student out and about in a Broadgate Park hoodie that makes you wonder, is this a cry for help?  Maybe we should check up on these people just to make sure they’re okay.

Molly Mae Zara Jacket

You can’t convince me that the chokehold this jacket has on every girl in the UK isn’t some part of an elaborate government brainwashing experiment. Obviously, as with anything the social media star does, the UK girlies have to follow and as a result, it is fair to say that probably one in every three girls now owns this khaki faux leather jacket.

There’s no hate on the trend from my end, the jacket itself is lovely and goes with many outfits.  It starts to become a problem when you see a whole girl group walking together to their lecture, each one wearing the exact same jacket as the other, like a floating wall of khaki that no other jacket would ever be able to break through. If you thought the hype might’ve died down by now, take just 10 steps onto campus and you’ll be able to spot at least five of them, most likely styled with grey jogging bottoms and a slick-back bun, in true Molly-Mae fashion of course.

Boohoo Man Tracksuits

The audacity of someone to offend the eyes of the public by wearing a Boohoo Man tracksuit has to be met with equal punishment and humiliation. These are the types of people who will zoom past you in a blur of messy red and white “Man” signatures head-to-toe on an electric scooter. You’ll probably find these people spending most of their time pressuring school kids for energy drinks and Freddo bars outside the Co-op.

If you see these men, or more accurately, boys stalking across campus, that’s your sign to run. Not because they’re scary  but because they’ll probably pester you for a mango-passionfruit flavoured vape to take the pressures off the responsibilities that come with balancing uni life and being a roadman.

Skinny jeans

Apologies to everyone who still clings on to their beloved skinny jeans from 2018, but this fashion era is well and truly over. Unfortunately, I recently counted numerous occasions of skinny jean sightings around campus. I have to admit, it was a teary-eyed moment when I realised I had to end my four year relationship with my Topshop skinny jeans a while back but I’ve since made my peace with it and moved on from the memories attached to them. Some people have apparently yet to do so.

Seeing someone wearing skinny jeans nowadays makes me wonder where that person has been for the past five years. It must just be common sense that they’re lacking, or maybe they simply don’t care. Skinny jeans are neither practical nor fashionable, so why wear them?

Juicy Couture Tracksuits

Since the Juicy brand has been making its comeback, I’ve seen more than a few people in lectures dressed head to toe in their famous diamanté Velour tracksuits. I’m all for the return of anything early 2000s, but something about flared ultra low-rise velour tracksuit bottoms with the massive Juicy logo in rhinestones over the back seems a little extra for a lecture hall or small classroom.

As iconic as it is, wearing the sets around campus doesn’t exactly fit the same vibe. Shopping, chilling, running errands and similar activities in full Juicy is completely fine but I’m convinced wearing it while trying to study is genuinely impossible. What’s even more absurd is the effortless, unbothered vibe the sets are supposed to give off despite the diamanté zip hoodies alone costing an insane £85 at JD – just say you’ve got rich parents and move on with your life.

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