Here’s what Spoons pitcher each University of Nottingham Halls would be

An ode to the two for £15 pitchers

1 year ago

The ultimate holy trinity: The Roebuck, Lloyds and The Joseph Else. These Wetherspoon bars dominate every Nottingham student’s university experience due to their array of ridiculously cheap drinks and vast selection of cocktail pitchers, making them the perfect venue to pregame.

The legendary Spoons pitcher is an all-time essential for pre drinks: their misleading fruity flavour leads many students tp question if they actually even contain any alcohol, but for two for £15 they’re not going to blow the student loan and are easy drinks to get down you. However, it is almost certain that after a few of these, you’ll later find yourself bursting for the loo whilst queuing for the club, or else caught wandering up flights of stairs searching for the Spoon’s toilets.

Only University of Nottingham students understand the importance of your first-year accommodation: It seems like a trivial decision made in Sixth Form, but it’s one that you will be judged on for the next three years, and maybe even continue to haunt you in your adult life. If you chose uncatered halls… good luck!

Cripps – Sex on the Beach

Cripps Hall epitomises the gap yahhhh personality trait. If you didn’t find yourself in Costa Rica and then continue to bore everyone and anyone on stories of your travels without being asked once you got to university, did you really go? Cripps Hall is unquestionably the classic Sex on the Beach pitcher: The dining hall roars of family ski holidays; the old boarding school days; and holiday romances with your ski instructor.

Willoughby – Zombie

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Willoughby is like walking through a graveyard: Zero atmosphere and completely uninviting. If you ended up these halls you either don’t care about your social life or it was the only halls left on campus. It’s for these reasons that Willoughby embodies the Zombie pitcher – boring and unpopular.

Ancaster – Purple Rain

Ancaster Hall screams daddy’s money: “But I have an ensuite at home, I couldn’t possibly have a shared bathroom!”. Of course Ancaster would be Purple Rain, as these students know to splash the cash. Without a doubt they will never go to the bar, but order on the Wetherspoons app which has daddy’s Apple Pay attached.

Cavendish – Blue Lagoon

The type of students who live at Cavendish are the ones who spend the entirety of Crisis throwing blue VK’s down each other in hope to be featured on the Crisis Instagram, and they love a themed outfit and Mr Brightside. They wouldn’t like to be seen without a blue VK in their hand, and a Blue Lagoon pitcher is nearly as iconic.

Nightingale – Pimm’s

Nightingale is infamous for its lift and having all double beds, but the residents are understated and not flashy. They don’t scream from the rooftops of their superior halls – unlike some others. They embody the Pimm’s pitcher: Classy and sophisticated, and always turn up to their 9am lectures the next day.

Rutland – Smirnoff Vodka and Monster

Aside from its grotty appearance and notoriously odd afterparties, Rutland is known for nothing other than being a glorified walkway to get to David Ross. The residents consume Monster for breakfast and live off three hours of sleep. The Smirnoff Vodka and Monster pitcher is incorporated in the Rutland resident’s staple diet.

Sherwood – Mango Monster

Sherwood is a knock-off Rutland, there I said it. And just like their hall equivalents, a Mango Monster pitcher is basically the same as Smirnoff Vodka and Monster, just with a little extra spice.

Lenton and Wortley – Woo-Woo

Lenton and Wortley is hidden away out of sight and mind, and are usually forgotten about when people think of catered halls. Apparently, they’re trying to get themselves back on the map and become known as campus party central. This is why they signify the Woo-Woo pitcher, as all they want is a wild reputation.

Lincoln – The Godfather

Lincoln is know for its distinctive architecture and maintained grounds, but behind the stone pillars is home to the next top lawyers and doctors. The quiet living produces a mature set of individuals who prefer the fineries of life, such as sipping on whiskey – one of the key ingredients in The Godfather pitcher.

Derby Hall – Pornstar

Derby Hall, the birth site of the North Face puffer and white linen trouser combination. I honestly believe the Derby Hall Post Room was created to combat the sheer amount of Vinted and Depop parcels daily incoming to the halls. Basic in appearance and in what they drink: Derby hall is the Pornstar pitcher.

St Peter’s Court – Bumby Colado

SPC is famously wild and chaotic, and they don’t mix with other halls due to everyone else being too scared to experience the madness behind the window bars. The Bumby Colado sounds the most adventurous and daring of all the pitchers and that’s the type of person you need to be to live in these halls.

Broadgate and Dagfa – Candy Rosa

Broadgate Park and Dagfa residents have serious imposter syndrome at UoN. The ongoing regrets of not going for a catered hall on campus and the jealousy of the meal card will haunt them for their entire adult life. Candy Rosa is the wannabe boujee cocktail on the menu, but behind all its façade there is zero quantity – a bit like these halls.