All of the back to uni stereotypes you should expect to meet: Toon edition

If you don’t fit any of these then lucky you x

1 year ago

It’s the beginning of term in the Toon! Campus is no longer eerie and silent, the walkways are bustling full of students, old and new, all getting ready to attend their first week of lectures (we hope). A whole new generation of freshers are filing down hallways, yet many seem familiar – probably because we’ve seen their breed before.

On that note, let’s take a look at all the stereotypical students you’ll find lurking around uni this year (including the one in the mirror, of course).

The party chaser

Often a first year, this student has their mind set on going out six nights of the week. The seventh night is spent recovering from a severely delayed hangover. They usually emerge from their room at 5pm only to eat, shower, and get ready for the wild night ahead. They’ve got a 100 per cent chance of catching freshers flu and 5 per cent chance of making it to their lectures.

The mysterious one

This student comes from a town that no one has heard of. They announce its name with a slight grimace on their face, and their tone disguises it as a question. Eventually, they state that it is “basically Manchester” or whichever large city is in its closest proximity.

The Geordie impersonator

The student who incessantly researched about Newcastle before arriving for uni. This student is usually seen trying to slip phrases like “howay man” into casual conversations, and is always on the lookout for the cast of Geordie Shore. Nine out of 10 times, they’re a southerner.

The late student

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They arrive halfway through every lecture without fail, sit in the front row because there aren’t enough seats anywhere else, and make a big song and dance about taking off their coat and unpacking their bag. Oh, and they also make the most unnecessary noises possible whilst doing it.

The gym lad

His pride possession is an XXXL bag of protein powder which is glued to the kitchen counter. He carries a protein shake around like it’s an accessory, and his Instagram Stories consist only of pictures of him flexing his abs in the gym mirrors.

The wannabe DJ

This student is convinced they are a DJ. They’re always on the aux (especially at pres), and conveniently enough never disconnect from the speaker. Occasionally, this student will have their own set of DJ decks and will whip them out at any social occasion. If it wasn’t for their great taste in music, they’d be evicted by their flatmates.

The dormant flatmate

Never present, this flatmate is yet to emerge from their room for a lengthy period of time. Their only confirmed sighting was move-in day. Halfway through the year you will bump into them in the hallway, giving you the shock of your life – but at least you have an indication that they’re alive and well.

The sports social geek

Their top priority is wholeheartedly committing to this week’s sports social theme. This student totally transforms themselves every Wednesday night, working harder than they’ve ever done at university. They sacrifice a lot to curate a great outfit, even if that means painting their entire body blue to be a Smurf.

The bot

This girl is only ever seen wearing her black north face puffer, blue jeans and white trainers. These students are lovely people but all look the exact same. If I had a drink for every time I saw one of these girls on campus, I’d be hospitalised.

The one who took a ‘gap-yah’

They relate every thread of conversation back to a memory that they made on their backpacking adventures across East Asia. Identifiable by a small, blotchy and/or fading tattoo on their ankle or wrist.

Exists on the course group chat

Whether it’s the middle of the night or the middle of a lecture, this student is constantly typing on their course group chat. They are relentlessly asking questions about assignments or trying to organise a course night out. Their social life only exists on this group chat.

The north/south divide fanatic

This northerner is obsessed with the North/South Divide. They claim to hate southerners and never miss an opportunity to criticise them. However, a significant proportion of the friends they’ve made at uni are from here.