The nine types of Exeter student at Exmouth beach right now

If you haven’t gone to Exmouth yet this year, here is your sign to get down there and people-watch

The sun is shining, the trains are working and exams are almost over. Now is the perfect time to grab your mates and head to the beach for some sunbathing, drinking, and, (if you’re brave enough), swimming . While you’re at it, why not spend some time working out who in your friendship group is number six – and let’s be honest, that shouldn’t be hard.

1. The one who organises everything

Despite Exmouth only being a train ride away, if you don’t have a number one, the likelihood is  you’re not going. This person is the one responsible for cross-checking the weather with train times and navigating everyone’s busy post-exam timetables to secure the time and date that gets posted to the group chat. They are likely also the one leading the way off the train and checking that everyone has everything when you leave. And don’t you DARE litter in front of these people if you value your life.

2. The one who brings a whole suitcase to the beach

Speaker, cool-box, extra towels, suncream, hats, football, umbrella – you name it, a number two will have it. They arrive at the train station laden with goodies like a packed horse only to regret their life choices when dragging everything through Exmouth to the beach and back.

3. The (only) one who wants to swim

This person is the one who probably has undiagnosed ADHD. They spend about 15 minutes harassing the rest of the group to come in the, frankly freezing, sea with them, before either giving up, or securing a victim, and running into the sea. They’ll probably be in there for a maximum of 10 minutes before running back out and splashing freezing cold water on everyone – especially person number four.

4. The one who’s only there to tan

Person number four is one of those people who sees sunshine and, within seconds, is in a bikini. Like Superman, they’re always ready. Unfortunately, tanning in Exmouth rarely lives up to expectation; it’s often much colder due to the ocean breeze, and by the time you’ve managed to get a group of five or more people to Exmouth, it’s probably about 3 pm already.  This person is more likely to end up tanning in the garden and sacking off the beach, let’s be honest.

5. The one who gets sunburnt

There are two types of number five people. Type A is someone living a life of denial; despite having paper-white skin and more freckles than pounds in the bank, they continue to attest that they “don’t need suncream.” Type B, on the other hand, is in a hoodie, under an umbrella, lathered in Factor 100 (yes they do make this) and yet somehow still manages to get burnt anyway.

6. The one who wants the seaside content for their socials

Bestie number six is just here for the ‘gram. They want the cute-sunset-at-Exmouth pics, the sunbathing BeReal and an over-priced ice cream for the Insta story. But can you blame them really?

7. The one who’s constantly bumping into people

This person joins you for the train rides to and from Exmouth but is MIA for most of the actual trip. As soon as their feet touch the sand, shouts of “Mate is that you?!” and “Oh my god, hi!” are perpetually following them around. Certainly for the BNOCs of Exeter, Exmouth is not somewhere you go to relax.

8. The one who hates sand

Honestly, I’m not even sure why this person comes to Exmouth. They spend the whole time scrunched up like a ball on their towel, shooting the evils at anyone who kicks sand their way. They complain the whole walk back to the train station that the sand is rubbing on their feet – I’m not sure what they thought was going to happen when they went to the beach, though.

9. The one who gets super drunk

Pairing tinnies with sunshine is an idea that, in principle sounds absolutely unreal, but in practice, often ends up with someone who is severely dehydrated and drunker than the “cool auntie” at Christmas. Meet person number nine. I am yet to see someone chunder in the sea this year, but I don’t doubt for a second that by June, I’ll have seen three.

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