We asked ChatGPT the best way to write an 8,000 word dissertation in one week

Don’t pretend you’re reading for a friend

In times of trouble Gen Z often turn to AI as a source of comfort and help. Never has this been truer than during deadline season. Whilst most of you turn to ChatGPT to help “plan” your essay or your night out, some of us prefer to take the more metaphysical route and get some advice when we need it most. Looking around the unfolding panic around me as friends confided they’ve only written the first 1,000 words of their diss a week before their deadline, I decided to do a public service and ask ChatGPT how to feasibly write an 8,000 word dissertation in one week:

‘It’s not advisable to try and write an 8,000-word dissertation in just one week. However, if you find yourself in a situation where you have no other choice, here are some tips that may help:’

First of all, a bit rude. Yes AI, I realise it’s not ideal, you don’t think we know  we’ve left it until the last minute despite advice from everyone to start early. You’re not my mother, I don’t need the reminder.

1. ‘Break it down: Divide the dissertation into smaller, manageable sections and allocate specific times to complete each section. This will make the task seem less daunting.’

A reasonable suggestion, although nothing quite feels that manageable, and no matter how many essays I do, I always forget how much time it takes to do my research.

2. ‘Create a schedule: Make a detailed schedule that outlines what you will do each day. Set specific deadlines for each task and try to stick to them as closely as possible.’

They clearly haven’t realised that this is a tried an tested procrastination technique – most third years have probably made about five schedules to date, colour coded and organised with added sections for existential crises and Pret breaks.

3. ‘Stay focused: Try to eliminate any distractions while you work. Turn off your phone, stay away from social media, and avoid any other activities that may interfere with your concentration.’

*Downloads Forest.*

*Deletes Forest after inability to grow anything because BeReal went off and all progress was lost.*

4. ‘Write first, edit later: Don’t worry too much about getting everything perfect in the first draft. Focus on getting your ideas down on paper and worry about editing later.’

Raise your hand if you’re guilty of spending three hours editing an 800 word paragraph.

*Reluctantly raises hand.*

5. ‘Take breaks: It’s important to take regular breaks to avoid burnout. Make sure to schedule time for relaxation and self-care.’

Something we generally need no encouragement to do – whether it’s a Pret pastry, running a bath, or taking an evening off to hit the pub, definitely give yourself a little time off.

6. ‘Get feedback: Once you’ve completed a draft, get feedback from others. This will help you identify any areas that need improvement and give you ideas on how to make your dissertation stronger.’

*Uses Studiosity for the first time in three years.*

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