Fiztbillies is shut (haven’t you heard?!) LEAF ARBUTHNOT explores your other options.

| UPDATED banana and honey blueberries cake carrot cake Christianity cooking costa date and walnut loaf dulce de leche Leaf Arbuthnot M&S marie antoinette marks and spencer morgasm muffins muggins Sainsbury's

“Let zem eat cake”, said Marie Antoinette. I hear ya, Marie. Fitzbillies is dead, but cake lives on. Here are your options:

The Generic Option: Carrot Cake, £2.50ish, Costa.

Just to lay down the carpeting before we move in the piano: me and Monsieur le Carrot Cake have been old friends for many a year now.  As soon as any cake brings out the cream cheese, I’m game. If you want objectivity, stop reading this. If you want cake, keep going.

As it happens, Costa’s carrot cake is actually very good.  The sponge was nutty and moist, not quite carroty enough for my liking but made up for by the trippy-sweet icing. The portions are large and the person that gave it to me and I paid was very friendly. I got them to microwave my slice for twenty seconds.


The Sainsbury’s Option: Date and Walnut Loaf, £2, Sainsbury’s.

Sahara-dry and just not enough sugar when eaten alone. Then an idea of Dumbledore level brilliance struck: I microwaved a slice for twenty seconds, then buttered it and spread with honey. The result made me morgasm. (More than orgasm. It’s the new thing: use it.)


The Healthy Option: Banana and honey cakes, £2, M&S.

A cloud on the pleasingly yellow packaging wants you to know that each cake is less than 150 calories. In fact – I looked – each is exactly 121 calories.

So as you’re chowing down, you can entertain yourself by deciding exactly what you’ll do with those thirty bonus calories. Isn’t that something. Doesn’t life just smile at one sometimes. Doesn’t it just grin.  Anyway.

These banana squares are average to nice. Although you can taste the fact that they’re not particularly indulgent, they do have a modest treacly richness that should earn them a respectful, if slightly disappointed, nod.


The Too Indie For Starbucks Option: Dulce de Leche Cake, £2.60, Cristine’s (by Corpus).

Firstly, the café is mini. It’s as if the Borrowers decided to start up a business. Or the Seven Dwarves. Or a posse of touchy-feelies who want to get intimate with innocent cake-seekers.

But you totally forgive the size of the place when you get a load of the fact that it actually is ‘Cristine’ making everything. And it’s her real, DNA daughter serving you. That’s special. That’s gotta be special.

Most importantly, however, the range of cakes is fantastic. I would say fantasmagorical, but it’s important to stay calm whilst choosing cake.

Dulce de Leche with the Seven Dwarves.

Eventually I went for the Dulce de Leche because I wanted to feel Mexican and sophisticated. Good choice, Leaftown. My first thought was “dull”, but then the taste of the caramel blossomed on my tongue. Oooh. Caramelly.


The Home-made option: If you are feeling particularly creative and if, like me, Week Whatever blues/ reds/ mustard yellows are making you cross, then get your hands on some flour and make Muggins. They are muffins made in mugs. I’m cool with it if you didn’t know that. Really I am.




225g Plain white flour
150g Caster Sugar
Pinch of salt
1tsp Baking Powder

100ml Milk
2 eggs
150g salted Butter
250g Blueberries


Put the flour, sugar, salt and baking powder into a large bowl/ saucepan.
Add the milk, eggs and butter.
Mix like crazy. I use a spoon.
Fold in the blueberries.
Put 2 tablespoons of mix into your mug.
Microwave on high for 20 or so seconds.