Adam, Caspar and Alex: An expert deepdives into the psychology of the MAFS UK narcissists

I think I’ll just stay single thanks

2 months ago

Navigating a relationship with a narcissist is a whole lot of work, and it’s not what many of the MAFS UK brides signed up for this year (but unfortunately got). I’m sure we have all met or even dated narcissists before, and it’s definitely a battle for both parties involved – you don’t need any MAFS UK expert to tell you that. It’s difficult watching gorgeous and bubbly girls like Emma and Polly be torn down by their partners who don’t find them attractive and are therefore making no effort to develop their relationships. Is the root of the problem narcissism? Probably.

Relationship expert Sylvia Smith from Marriage.com had some great advice to share to show the psychology behind the MAFS UK narcissists, and how you can have a successful relationship with them (although if I’m totally honest, Polly, Emma and Holly can all do better).

Understanding the psychology behind narcissists

caspar mafs uk expert advice narcissists

via Channel 4

Sylvia first explained the psychology behind what makes a narcissistic man: Their origins link to “very profound issues of self-esteem and insecurity.” She added that “the narcissistic man inflates himself in order to balance an inner lack of confidence.” So far I’m seeing the link with Caspar, who previously opened up about not feeling good about his physical appearance in the past. She also said that it’s “especially” essential to keep this in mind when watching shows like MAFS, when these people are thrown into the public eye.

What are they like in relationships?

via Channel 4

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Sylvia explained: “In relationships, they are emotionally manipulative. They require constant assurance and admiration while not considering their partner’s feelings at all.” I very much felt this with Alex, Caspar and Adam last night – all three of them expressed very hurtful comments about their partners in front of the entire cast of the show at the commitment ceremonies without considering how it might effect the other.

This behaviour can be very “toxic” in a relationship because the partner who is narcissistic will “emotionally dominate” and “so often leaves his partner depressed and unheard.”

How do you navigate a relationship with a narcissist?

So, if the couples want their marriages to work, there’s a few things Sylvia mentioned they can do to help. The first is “setting boundaries and the integrity of self worth,” which are really important things to establish. She also underlined how “essential” it is to be aware that “the narcissist is a master at gaslighting his partner into doubting his own reality.” Therefore, the non-narcissistic partner needs to be able to “anchor themselves in their own view of the truth and not get mired in the quicksand of perpetual approval-seeking behaviors.” She also suggested that the narcissistic partner be “willing to seek help.”

Is MAFS a bad idea for narcissists?

via Channel 4

Sylvia admitted that a lot of “tension” may arise from MAFS, and “the particular situation of being dropped into the relationship without any prior knowledge about the person” can aggravate narcissistic traits. How do these men deal with it? They express “emotional aloofness, criticism or even dominance in public.” This really rings true seeing as we constantly see Alex trying to one-up Holly whenever the group are together, which activates her self-defence mode.

On a closing note, Sylvia urged the narcissists to listen to the professionals and be more “insightful” on the show, which could even lead the narcissists to get out of the current relationship cycle and have “healthier interactions.” I honestly can’t wait to see how the couples progress, and I’m holding out hope that the girls finally get the love they deserve from the men who are struggling to put their narcissism aside.

For relationship advice of your own, visit Marriage.com.

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