Omg, Hugh Hefner’s widow is spilling all the tea about her time with the Playboy founder

Hugh Hefner’s widow, Crystal Hefner, has broken her promise to the not-so-dearly departed Playboy founder to “only say good things” about him in her new memoir Only Say Good Things: Surviving Playboy and Finding Myself.

Speaking to PEOPLE magazine, Crystal claims that Hugh said: “I want you to continue my legacy going forward…and I want to remind you to only say good things about me.”

The new book is out next week and is one of many to detail how crap living at the Playboy Mansion is. The iconic Hollywood home was where she lived from 2008 until her husband’s death in 2017 at the age of 91. According to its gossip-filled pages, it’s not a halcyon of glamour and hedonism. It might have been once, but not anymore.

Throughout the last half of the 20th century, Hugh became known for his polyamory of sorts, meaning she is a woman with many foremothers. When I say foremothers, I mean people who have been romantically and sexually involved with the Hef and not really liked it. A whole media machine has been kept burning by claims of how horrible Playboy and Hugh can allegedly be. Allegations have been vast and varied and include the gravely serious, like sexual assault and enabling rape. However, everyone’s experiences differ, and Crystal’s revelations still come in piping hot.

However, like many others before her, Crystal thought that this would not be her fate when Hugh asked her to move into the mansion.

“At the time, I thought I was on top. I thought, wow, if I just like everything that he likes and do all the things that he wants me to do, then I’m the favourite. And I was, but I just lost myself in the process,” she said. “I thought, wow, if I just like everything that he likes and do all the things that he wants me to do, then I’m the favourite. And I was, but I just lost myself in the process.”

However, she suffered the same fate as Holly Madison, his number-one girlfriend and one of the iconic stars of the E! reality series Girls of the Playboy Mansion. Holly has been incredibly vocal about her time living in the mansion. Her 2015 memoir Down The Rabbit Hole lifted the lid on Mansion life, talking about group sex, emotional abuse and all the dog poop lingering in the corridor. Crystal suffered the same strict 9 pm curfew and banned the entire rainbow at the manicurist.

Along with clean fingernails, “trashy” belly button rings were verboten. For that reason, one would have to laugh when she was encouraged to wear the Playboy logo at all times. Playboy, iconic at times, is not really known for being classy. In addition, Hugh’s beauty motto appeared to be no pain, no gain, as she was never allowed a dark root with her white blonde.

“So I’d have to go bleach it, and it would burn my scalp, and I’d have blisters,” she said.

As Holly and many others have already revealed, the mansion was apparently a disgusting mess. Perhaps it was groovy in the 70s, but things like free love have never looked very sanitary, has it?

“This place doesn’t really get cleaned that well, and there’s mould, and it just felt just kind of run down and gross after a while. Too, too many parties. It was worn out,” Crystal said.

In the least surprising news ever, Crystal apparently never really head over heels for her husband. When he popped the question the first time, instead of basking in that post-engagement high, she literally jumped into the arms of another man. However, following a fling with the actual Dr Phil’s son Jordan (do you think his TV therapist dad gave her counselling), she eventually returned to the mansion with her tail between her legs.

“I realised I was dealing with a really big power imbalance,” Crystal said. “It seemed like a world of success and fantasy, but everyone’s having to sleep with an 80-year-old. There’s a price. Everything has a price.”

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Photo credit via Crystal Hefner/Hachette