Saltburn’s weirdest sex scenes, ranked by how scream-worthy they are

Ahhh Saltburn. The audio visual experience which made a thousand Christmases intensely awkward the second it was released on Prime in time for the festive family-viewing season. Bath plug rimming, grave humping, borderline cannibalism— there’s literally nowhere director Emerald Fennell’s imagination won’t go.

So, in an attempt to offer everyone some slight closure, let’s have a group rife back through our collective trauma and go through the top five of Saltburn’s weirdest sex scenes, ranked from sleazy to scream-worthy:

5. Oliver shocking Farleigh in the middle of the night to make him ‘behave’

Ngl, the consent in this scene seemed a bit off. Farleigh basically wakes up with Oliver in his room asking him if he’s going to “behave” over and over before he starts wanking him off. At first Farleigh – who snitched on Oliver for hooking up with Venetia to Felix – says he won’t do as he’s told. But after a bit more action he says he will. Hmm.

4. Oliver oggling Felix hook up with multiple girls

From the start of their friendship, Oliver’s eyes are on Felix’s every move. And no more intently than when he’s hooking up with someone. Throughout Oxford, Oliver watches as Felix leads a never-ending carousel of women back to his room. And, as things come full circle, Oliver watched as Felix has sex in the centre of his family maze hours before his death. Dark.

3. Oliver going down on Venetia like a famished vampire

Nothing had everyone clutching their pearls more than when Oliver went down on Venetia in the moonlight while she was (“you’re lucky I’m a vampire”) on her period. True, the amount of blood smeared over the pair of them was intense. But parts of this scene were sexy – sorry! And Twitter agrees with me.

2. Oliver licking Felix’s post-wank bath water out of the plug hole

You can now buy ‘Jacob Elordi’s bath water’ candles. So, it’s clear Oliver isn’t the only freak amongst us. But, although you might not be put off by slurping up the object of your affections cummy bath water. I ask you this, what’s right about rimming a plug hole? Nothing. Bacteria everywhere – end of.

1. Oliver getting intimate with Felix’s freshly filled grave

And this, in the final thirty minutes of Saltburn, is where Emerald Fennell well and truly lost me. Apparently, the grave shagging wasn’t even originally in the script. So, Barry had to improvise. “I was totally on board for it,” he told EW.

At least someone is.

Related stories recommended by this writer:

• Right, was Barry Keoghan wearing a prosthetic in THAT Saltburn final scene

• Okay, this is why everyone’s accusing Jacob Elordi of ‘queerbaiting’ right now

• A-list stars and nepo babies: Inside Jacob Elordi’s long and winding relationship history

Featured image credit via Prime Video