We asked ChatGPT how to make friends at uni and it’s safe to say you’ll be billy no mates forever

Making mates at uni is genuinely sometimes the luck of the draw. For some, the seven people they randomly get shoved into a flat with end up being their new besties and so they find their group within the first few hours of Freshers’ Week. But for most people, you actually have to try a bit harder to meet people you genuinely click with at uni.

You’ve got the generic advice of joining societies and putting yourself out there or just striking up conversations with people you sit next to in lectures, but this is sometimes much easier said than done.

We’ve already asked ChatGPT for a uni packing list and it suggested some of the most unhinged essentials ever. Like, it genuinely suggested a bubble wrap suit or bacon-scented candle. But what advice does it have for students when you’re actually at uni? How would AI go about making besties at uni?

We asked ChatGPT how to make friends at uni and honestly, you’re better off having no friends than following its chaotic advice:

‘Start a human knot club’

“Gather a group of strangers and attempt to tie yourselves into an intricate knot. The more tangled, the merrier!”

Genuinely what the hell ChatGPT? Tried this and ended up with three broken wrists, six dislocated knees and four broken toes so, thanks a lot.

‘Organise a mismatched sock swap’

“Host an event where everyone brings their oddest socks and tries to find their sock soulmate among the chaos.”

What better way to make friends at uni than sharing all your smelly socks that probably haven’t been washed in about three weeks.

‘Set up a duct tape fashion show’

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“Showcase your best duct tape outfits and accessories in the middle of the quad. Invite everyone to join in on the sticky fun!”

In other words, just head to an anything-but-clothes rugby social in the SU on a Wednesday night.

‘Enlist a personal marching band’

Via Rojan Maharjan on Unsplash

“Hire a marching band to follow you around campus playing your favourite song. Trust me, everyone loves a friend with their own personal soundtrack!”

Because there’s nothing that hungover students are gonna love more than someone butchering ABBA covers on a bloody trombone when they’re just trying to keep their Weetabix down on a Thursday morning before a 9 am.

‘Bring a pet rock to classes’

“Attend a lecture with a pet rock in a small rock carrier and talk about your rock’s academic interests.

No friends? No problem! Your trusty pet rock is all you need. No but seriously what is it with pet rocks and ChatGPT?  It suggested a pet-rock was absolutely essential in a uni packing list. It described it as: “A low-maintenance and conversation-starting roommate.” Cute x

‘Host a paper airplane Olympics’

“Compete for the title of farthest flight, most loops, and best crash landing. Safety goggles recommended!”

Me when I’ve exhausted TikTok and am doing everything possible to procrastinate my seminar reading.

‘Pet rubber chicken’

“Walk around campus with a rubber chicken named Cluckles and ask people if they want to meet your feathered friend. Bonus points for clucking in unison.”

Nah sorry you’re getting kicked out of uni for this. CLUCKLES?!? You’re never living this down.

‘Icebreaker jokes’

“Start a conversation with a light and funny icebreaker joke. For example, ‘Do you believe in love at first sight, or should I walk by again?'”

ChatGPT with the rizz! Might not make you friends at uni but will probably get you a shag. Genuinely need to see someone whip this out in a smoking area please.

‘Create a funny blog or social media account’

“Share funny stories, memes, or jokes related to university life on a blog or social media account. It can attract like-minded people who appreciate your sense of humour.”

Sounds like ChatGPT is trying to rival the classic uni confessions pages to me.

‘Start a pun of the day tradition’

“Try to recruit members with pun-tastic jokes. For example, ‘Why did the scarecrow win an award? Because he was outstanding in his field!'”

Oh god, no. It’s like if you asked a 60-year-old their advice on being down with the kids and making friends. Stay away from the puns.

‘Start a new society’

“Create a fake university society with a bizarre name like ‘The Association of Underwater Basket Weavers’ and see how many people join just out of curiosity.”

Thought this was just gonna be the generic advice on creating a society for whatever you’re interested in but no, congrats, you’re now part of the association of underwater basket weavers society!

‘Naptime flash mob’

“Organise a naptime flash mob in the library and invite people to join you for a quick power nap between classes.”

Okay but this one I can get behind! Sleepy girl era fully entered.

‘Another flash mob’

“Start a dance like nobody’s watching flash mob in the library during exams week. Just be prepared for some bewildered stares.”

If you’re not starting at least three flash mobs a day on campus, you’re not even trying to make friends at uni and ChatGPT doesn’t want to know you. But seriously, you’re gonna get ripped to pieces on the confessions pages for this one.

‘Coffee shop experiment’

“Sit in a campus coffee shop with a sign that says, ‘I’m open to conversation. Come talk to me about anything!’ You’ll likely have curious individuals strike up conversations.”

ChatGPT clearly has never felt an ounce of crippling hangxiety in its life. Must be nice.

Related stories recommended by this writer:

• We asked ChatGPT for a uni packing list and it’s absolutely unhinged

• We asked ChatGPT for each Russell Group uni’s stereotype and some are genuinely offensive

• Omg, ChatGPT can now give you up-to-date answers and is no longer limited to info from 2021