Chocolate raves to mud slip and slides: All the festival chaos you missed over the weekend

It seems like literally everyone and their dog was at a festival at some point over the weekend. The bank holiday crossover of Creamfields, Nottingham Hill Carnival, All Points East and Reading and Leeds Festivals made for a weekend of either absolute carnage or pure relief. But your share of 2023 festival chaos depended on whether you braved the sea of sticky bodies and mud, or if you followed the drama peacefully from bed via TikTok. The sheer abundance of dirt, queues and absolute chaos killed every ounce of FOMO I expected to have.

If it feels like everyone you know’s come home caked in mud and full of survival stories from the weekend, you’re not alone. So to cure your jealousy and remind you that you’re either too boring or too mature for such carnage, here’s a round up of all the 2023 festival chaos we’ve avoided so far.

The weather was awful and everyone was shocked about it

Reading seems to have dodged a bullet when it came to weather conditions but the weather at Creamfields on the other hand looked like hell. It’s England, what did we really expect? Regardless, the grey skies and bin bag rain covers do not pass the vibe check. I’m not spending a week’s wage and whole weekend of outfit planning to bop around looking like the Michelin Man all weekend. Hard pass.

Every hill became a slip and slide

No amount of rain macs or wellington boots could have made the mud at Creamfields worth it. The terrain some of you battled just to catch a bit of Calvin Harris is quite frankly astounding. Though I applaud the determination to make the most of a bad situation, I’m not jealous in the slightest and would need a shot or four before I could even find that funny.

Someone brought a skeleton in a pram

The vibe at Notting Hill Carnival is unmatched. I’m not sure I can even debunk this one.

The nights consisted of a choir of chants you first heard in 2016

This is nothing out of the ordinary for festival season but one I expected more from Reading or Leeds. I wrongly assumed Creamfields would have more of an air of maturity about it, but clearly no festival is safe from the annual hunt for Alan, whoever he is. I love the energy but the vibes are so dead. If you’re going to keep everyone up yelling your little festival chants, at least make them original. I speak for the majority of the camp when I say we are one more “Whoomp there it is” away from abandoning ship and throwing in the towel for good.

Chocolate Nation left everyone covered in milk

This looks so much fun, but imagine the aftermath. A chocolate milk rave is enough to send me west.

You either got into a tent war or someone started a scrap next to you

The chaotic energy really comes to a head when people start beefing the bouncers. Scrapping at Creamfields isn’t on my to-do list but seems to be on the festival bucket list these days. If you haven’t seen a scrap, did you even go?

Some lad became a meme

Every year, some poor kid ends up on the wrong end of a meme. It’s the highlight of festival season and really makes all of us at home feel part of the drama.

Half of Creamfields left early anyway

Basically, forcing yourself to endure the rain, tent wars and mud baths doesn’t make you superior to the rest of us. Staying until the last minute of the last day is a young person’s game.

It took longer to leave than it did to pitch the tent up

The cherry on top of the cake of 2023 festival chaos. Seeing the backlog of people at the station trying to escape Reading literally was enough to cure my FOMO alone. No amount of Billie Eilish was worth that drama.

Featured image via @joshuahaines6 @bestieboos925 and @pg95x on TikTok.

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