Every Severance character ranked by how pure evil they really are

I live in fear of being dragged to the break room by Milchick

8 months ago

I’m late to my corporately gifted dance party where I’m only allowed to choose one genre of music, but I finally watched Severance. I gobbled all nine episodes in two days, and I’m distraught that season two might not be in front of my eyes til like, 2025. I support the strikes, but I can’t cope with that. I feel like a trapped Innie declined of what I need! Severance is the definition of worth the hype, a joy to watch and a show constantly harrowing and full of mysterious twists that curl out for you in ways you never expect. It’s a show full of ethical issues and evil choices, but this is the definitive ranking of all the Severance characters, ranked by how truly wicked they are. From least to most evil!

18. Burt

Too pure for this world. I feel like crying just looking at him. Blessed to have Burt on our screens, even more blessed to have Christopher Walken bless the industry with his talents. I would protect Burt with my life.

17. Devon

Mark’s sister is salt of the earth. Warm, funny, loving, compassionate – just a delight. No bad bones in her body. I cherish their relationship and Jen Tullock’s ability to play Devon with the most subtle brother-sister friendly chemistry imaginable. Could be a forgettable character but she makes her essential and I want to be mates with her.

16. Alexa

A patient queen of midwifery. Alexa only had a small role to play in the season but she tolerated Outie Mark’s inner turmoils more than most, and seems like a lovely lady with her wits about her. We wish her well.

15. Innie Dylan

What a noble hero. A brave king. He made us all proud in that finale. He went through the wringer and managed to be bold enough to stay behind for the cause – not only that, but that final ep ran in nearly real time so he literally stood there with his arms stretched out for 40 minutes. Didn’t rank Outie Dylan on here because we saw like 20 seconds of him max, but I reckon he’s a good egg. But not as good an egg as Innie Dylan!!!

14. Innie Helly

Whilst Mark is our main character, Innie Helly is the one who takes the viewers with her. We too wake up on the severed floor with her, we learn how Lumon operate as she does. This means we empathise with her and feel connected to her plight, and when she rebels we cheer because she’s fighting back how we feel we would. It’s wild how she’s so morally different from her Outie but clearly the two share the resilience and drive that motivates them in opposite ways. Britt Lower is AMAZING.

13. Petey

Poor Petey! We hardly knew you. Not the most dignified end for the brave man who first underwent reintegration. He had a tough hand. No man is evil when he lovingly sings Enter Sandman with his daughter.

12. Innie Irving

Start of the season? Insufferable, too Lumon indoctrinated – get a backbone, man! End of the season? I would go to war for him and wish him only love and happiness. Proud shipper of Burving. When he finally has taken enough shit and joins forces with the rest of the department I clapped like a giddy child.

11. Innie Mark

Innie Mark is our hero, but also he’s a villain – so he’s hard to get ranked amongst the evil Severance characters. Every time he chases Innie Helly, he’s a villain. When he’s a bootlicker for Lumon and shreds up Petey’s map, I could slap him. But he knows no better I guess, and I think by the end he’s certainly fighting the good fight. He saw the light!

10. Ms. Casey

Of course when Ms Casey is following Lumon orders she’s unsettling and feels evil, but the truth is even more heartbreaking. Of course, the huge twist that Ms Casey is some form of Gemma – Mark’s wife who died in a car accident, is harrowing. We still don’t know much about how she was even down there but what we do know is how heartbreaking it was when Milchick coldly sent her up the exit left never to come back down again.

9. Outie Irving

Outie Irving is not a bad guy, but he’s a lost soul. Anyone who signs up to be severed is sus, and I hope whatever he’s been doing he’s going to be okay. I’m worried for him.

8. Ricken

Anyone who is the author of five self help books is DEEPLY evil, whether they’re well intentioned or not. End of.

7. Outie Mark

Very hard one to get ranked when it comes to how evil Severance characters are. Outie Mark is grieving, he’s just handling it badly. Men will really get severed and cause torture and grief for their Innie rather than go to therapy. Well intentioned but handling it awful. Hopefully in season two things will be on the up, but when you think about how much joy is in this show so far I’m a bit doubtful.

6. Devon and Ricken’s pals

Evil! Smug! Truly insufferable! Devon and Ricken need to cut them loose. Poor Mark. The same evil man when he found the baby and wanted praise for it in the final episode too? As bad as Lumon dare I say!

5. Gabby and Angelo Arteta

You have to be a certain kind of evil and detached to willingly get severed and put your severed self through childbirth and then make her never get to be the mum to the baby. Insane. Hate them both.

4. Doug Graner

An evil little Lumon enforcer. A silent perpetrator of Lumon’s thuggish needs, we don’t know much about the head of security on the severed floor of Lumon but what we do know isn’t good. A grim man who met a suitably grim end.

3. Harmony Cobel

A deep Lumon loyalist, who worships Kier Eagan in cult like fashion with shrines at home. Just completely deranged but delicious to watch thanks to Patricia Arquette’s OUTSTANDING command of both sides of Cobel, Harmony at work and Mrs Selvig in suburbia. The venom that pours out of Arquette’s every word is just brilliant, but her insanity and ruthlessness makes her easily one of the most evil characters of all the Severance lot. She has a crumb of compassion with her weird obsession with Mark telling him to get away from Lumon though, so god knows what she’s going to do in season two.

2. Seth Milchick

DO NOT BE FOOLED! The smiles, the friendliness, the warmth! This is one of the most evil men on this show, more brutal than Cobel in his loyalness to the Lumon cause. The way he could break Innie Helly’s spirit in that break room is despicable. He takes joy in making things harder for the Innies and I do not like it one bit. Scary.

1. Outie Helly (Helena Eagan)

The twist that Helly’s outie is actually Helena Eagan, daughter of the CEO of Lumon and a direct descendent of Kier – the founder – means that although we don’t know much of her, what we do know is absolutely awful. In the first episode, she was a bitch to Mark. That was strike one. Her video to her Innie when Helly wanted to quit was cold, callous and scary. By the finale we know why – she’s willingly severed herself as a publicity stunt to promote more people getting severed. She has no regard for the wellbeing of those on the severed floor. It remains to be seen if she chose to get severed because she believed in the cause or if her family pressured her to, but from what we’ve seen she seems to be likely the main antagonist. Right now, she’s the most evil of all the Severance characters ranked here. Will season two give us someone even more diabolical when it eventually comes down in the telly lift?

@harrisonjbrock

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