Apprentice power ranking: Evil laughter from tall giraffes VS children with no hands or feet

It’s always an absolute hoot when Lord Sugar decides to force the hapless candidates to make something for children. If there’s one target market a bunch of business hopefuls in Moss Bros suits never fail to hit, it’s this one. Still, there’s always First Time Dies-esque carnage to look forward to, and the preschool cartoons more than delivered on that front – with bizarre giraffe laughter and some squiggly children with no hands or feet. It was nightmarish in many ways, the reality TV equivalent of Skinamarink. Here’s my weekly power ranking for The Apprentice 2023 – week three edition.

15. Denisha

One of the most useless candidates in recent memory, and deserved to receive Sugar pointing in her face with his finger this week. She needs to leave my gal Victoria’s name out of her mouth! Has barely been on screen for the last two weeks and spent the third episode making a disaster of everything. Bad!

14. Gregory

What did I say nary two weeks ago? That Gregory would have a good week one when there were canons afoot but would flop at every other challenge. I am an oracle.

13. Marnie

No I’m sorry she scares the living shit out of me. Was very humbling when she said shit in the corporate pitch.

12. Reece

Alright, fine – he was decent if not a massive ick when he was in the character voice recording studio and he’s very good at debating in the boardroom but I’m sorry… He needed to take it down a notch. A bit TOO angry methinks!

11. Mark

Something deeply sinister. That’s all I have to say.

10. Rochelle

I really want my camp queen Rochelle to troop her way up the Apprentice 2023 power ranking, but it’s week three and if we’re being honest she really isn’t helping matters. She’s a good time gal, though!

9. Bradley

A bit useless but I can’t help but wish him well.

8. Victoria

I know she’s not really been smashing it whilst she’s been on the show, but I really think Victoria is a major vibe. I think she handles herself well and I think she’s got the energy of someone good at business. Denisha tried, but failed, to drag down our queen.

7. Simba

Likeable, consistent, dependable!

6. Sohail 

Sohail’s a dark horse. Quiet, patient, listens. Then speaks and the room shakes. King.

5. Megan

I know she lost, but she ain’t out yet. Northern icon.

4. Avi

Wake up babe new Avi musical episode catch up banger just dropped. It’s week three of the 2023 Apprentice power ranking and I can’t see this king going anywhere but top five if he continues dropping fire like this.

3. Joe

Honestly, even when he loses you best believe he had nothing to do with the failure of the task. Mark my words he’s in the final.

2. Shazia

No, sorry… she’s so so so so unintentionally funny.

1. Dani

ANOTHER WIN FOR OUR ICON! INJECT IT.

The Apprentice 2023 continues at 9pm on Thursdays, on BBC One and iPlayer. For all the latest reality TV news, gossip and for the best memes and quizzes, like The Holy Church of Love Island on Facebook.

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