Glass Onion characters ranked

Every major character from Glass Onion, ranked by how much of an icon they are

Oh to play Among Us in the bath with Benoit Blanc

If there’s one thing you know you’re in for with the Knives Out series, whether it’s the original or the new sequel Glass Onion, is that the characters will be absolutely ridiculous. Big, daft, funny and memorable – both films introduce us to a suspicious cohort who may or may not be behind murder most foul. But who’s the biggest icon in the bunch? I’ve ranked all the major characters in Glass Onion to decide and declare who the biggest icon really is, so you don’t have to.

9. Duke

Do you know what I absolutely do not need in any way, shape or form? Andrew Tate-esque characters. Do you know what Andrew Tate-esque characters are not, in any way, shape or form? Icons. It’s a boot.

8. Miles Bron

Miles Bron is the Elon Musk inspired villain of Knives Out, and in the words of the great poet laureate Rajah O’Hara, I’m not gagging. In a year of endless and incessant send ups of the super rich, there’s nothing iconic about Miles Bron – despite maybe the fact he went to the effort of holding the actual Mona Lisa in his Glass Onion for some reason.

7. Lionel Toussaint 

Literally can’t remember one thing about this character beyond the fact he was Miles’ scientist, ergo he is not an icon at all.

6. Birdie

I’m sorry,  the sweatshop being the place where sweatpants joke was NOT funny, it was like… so basic. And I know Birdie didn’t actually write it, but I feel like Glass Onion tries so hard to make me think that Birdie is an icon that the end result is just that she ain’t an icon at all.

5. Peg

A clumsy icon who spends her life trying to sort our Birdie’s mess. Justice for Peg, to be honest. Not an icon but not a disaster either so that’s something.

4. Claire

Glass Onion characters ranked

Look, I’ll level with you – Claire is barely an icon. But she is played by Kathryn Hahn, an actress I’d go as far to say is potentially the biggest icon in the industry right now. So, she gets bonus points.

3. Whiskey

Purely for having the funniest line in the whole film:

2. Helen / Andi

Glass Onion characters ranked

Janelle Monslay really did not come to mess about in Glass Onion, and the twist that she’s not actually Andi but that she’s Andi’s twin sister Helen pretending to BE Andi is the highlight of the whole film, and she absolutely chews up and spits out every scene she’s in with levels of icon rarely seen on screen. Legend.

1. Benoit Blanc

Glass Onion characters ranked

Sigh. What a man. What a guy. What a detective. Baw gawd! Benoit Blanc is such an instantly amazing character, and Daniel Craig only brings new levels of greatness to him in the sequel. Whilst I think Knives Out is better than Glass Onion, of all the latter’s characters ranked it’s Blanc – the only returning character – who remains the biggest icon. He’s funnier, slicker and gayer. And I love him all the more for it.

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