These student horror stories will make you never want to house hunt in Liverpool again

Welcome to the end of semester one: Two relentless weeks of battling seasonal depression, running out of your student loan and attempting to find a mould-free student house that doesn’t look like it’s about to fall down at any second. For those of us staying in Liverpool for another year, it feels like house hunting season has come round in the blink of an eye – and no doubt you’ve not even gotten rid of the damp and rodent issues in your own bedroom yet.

We all feel as if we’ve got it the worst when it comes to nightmare flatmates and dodgy landlords, but The Liverpool Tab spoke to students far and wide to gather some of the most horrific stories from their student housing situations – with Smithdown students taking the top spot for some of the most outrageous moments, naturally.

And trust me, some of these terrible tales are situations you couldn’t even dream about after a bad night out in McCooley’s.

‘The ceiling collapsed with electrically charged water on my flatmate’s head’

I bet you were buzzing to tell us this story! Only joking – imagine having a rough full week of lectures and sitting down for your pesto pasta at 8pm just to find yourself drenched with spicy water on your own sofa. I’d love to know exactly how they reacted to the fact it was ELECTRICALLY CHARGED and that you now have a gaping hole in your flat ceiling.

‘We went to a house viewing and saw this…’

Everyone knows that student landlords aren’t always the most useful, but how did they not notice this? I don’t even want to imagine what the mysterious brown liquid might have been.

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Molly*, a student at the University of Liverpool horrifyingly told us: “It was underneath a bathroom and had a lovely homemade sign that said ‘don’t enter or the ceiling will fall through’ and then they had the nerve to ask us why we didn’t want the house”.

I’d be fearing for my life during that house viewing.

‘My housemate left a massive dildo on their bedside table’

“One of the lads said we should have taken it as a souvenir” said Micah* from Liverpool John Moores University.

I genuinely have no words for this one x

‘We had fireworks shot over our garden wall on bonfire night’

There’s something about living in Smithdown or Kensington that just causes absolute chaos all the time. Imagine trying to have a wholesome night watching the Sefton Park fireworks from the comfort of your own back garden (if you’re lucky enough to have one) just to spend half of your time running away from some rockets that have been launched over your wall. Sounds like you’ve got some friendly neighbours!

‘My fire door broke and smashed into my wall so it now has a hole’

Who even wants their house deposit back anyway?

‘My house was infested with mice AND rats for over two months’

Ah, the classic rodent infestation. I’m yet to have met any Liverpool student that hasn’t had a fist fight with their resident mouse yet, and trust me, it only gets worse over the winter. No doubt your landlords or housing company talk about you in the office all the time because you’ll definitely be known as the problem house. There’s no shame in reporting it every time you see one – I’d love to have a nights sleep where I’m not hearing scuttling in the walls. A girl can only dream.

‘We had random stuff like an old mop or a carton of passata thrown over our garden wall’

Carrying on with the garden wall theme here it seems – WTF? I guess if you’re looking to buy some cleaning equipment you can hang fire until your lovely neighbours decide to launch their bits and bobs into your back garden, but it’s not the most convenient system in the world. Let us know when you have a pizza night with that passata though x

‘I got locked in my living room multiple times because the door handle kept falling off’

There’s nothing like being held captive in your own house.

‘I walked in on our first year flatmate having a threesome on our sofa’

Let’s set the scene here.

A student called Jasmine* from the University of Liverpool explained: “She was like the flatmate nobody spoke to, so during exam season she threw a party in our flat and nobody who lived there was invited and we all had exams at 9am the next day

“We walked into the kitchen to tell her to shut up and stop the party just to find a threesome on our communal sofa. Needless to say we were all too stunned to speak and we ran out”.

Would you believe me if I said it got even worse?

“She left her pants on the floor after and there was absolutely no chance we were cleaning that up! So glad uni ended shortly after and we avoided her like the plague”.

I can only hope that it wasn’t a flatcest situation because that would be a million times worse – imagine the embarrassment? I feel a bit sick just thinking about it.

‘My housemate’s friend threw up on our bathroom lightswitch and electrocuted me’

There’s always one friend of a friend that gets invited round that simply just causes chaos in as many forms as they can physically manage in the time that they’re there. They must have had incredible aim to have thrown up directly onto a lightswitch though, I’ll give them that.

Speaking to The Liverpool Tab, Liverpool John Moores student Patrick* said: “The same friend set off the fire alarm because he was in the shower for too long and the landlords had to come over. He sent my housemate £100 as an apology though so we all used it to get a Five Guys”.

Kudos to you all for the takeaway idea.

‘We had an army of snails that took over our second year house’

At least you’ve got some friends to hang out with in the kitchen when you get back from a Raz Monday, right?

I’d say don’t let these student housing horror stories put you off moving into your next place in Liverpool, but I’m now considering moving back home just at the sight of the mysterious brown sludge on that wall.

Happy house hunting season everyone x

*Names have been changed at request of students’ anonymity.