Do any of these 10 things? Then you might actually be the nightmare Liverpool flatmate

We all know how easy it is to blame a mystery flatmate for the mountains of washing up and overflowing bins in your accommodation or student house, until you realise it’s actually you causing everyone grief. I’m going to hold your hand when I say this, but sometimes you might actually be the problem in your toxic house. I’m so sorry, I don’t make the rules, but on behalf of everyone you live with, I have no other choice than to give you some eye opening signs that you’re officially the nightmare flatmate.

Leaving dishes to soak or dry on the side

This. Come on. We all know you can’t be bothered doing the big pan, so you leave it overnight to soak. Fair enough! Then tell me why is the same pan still there two weeks later? Did no one learn their lessons from first year? I think people fail to understand that leaving your huge pan in the shared sink means that sink can’t be used properly for the same amount of time that pan is in there.

Don’t even get me started on leaving the plates to dry – have you ever heard of a tea towel? It’s literally the easiest job to do, and you’ve done the hard part of actually cleaning your plates and pans, so two more minutes in the kitchen won’t hurt you. I know most student kitchens are tiny, so picking a up plate and putting it in the cupboard, which is a step away from the sink, will do everyone a favour.

Never cleaning up after themselves

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Can you hear that? It sounds like the magical cleaning fairy popping into the kitchen at night to clean up after you! Little things such as throwing your shoes off the second you come in, leaving crumbs on the counter when you eat a sandwich, and crisp packets on the coffee table are all small messes that can easily just be picked up and cleaned, but apparently that’s not your job.

And yes, it is more effort to nag you over it than just cleaning the mess but that is not the point. If it was so easy for us to just do it, why can’t you just do it in the first place? This goes for other shared environments as well like the bathroom, and please, clean the toilet after yourself. The transition for some of us from going from an en-suite in first year accommodation to sharing a bathroom with multiple boys is certainly a shock to the system. Like the iconic Nella Rose famously said, “are you not ashamed of yourself? Are you not em-barah-ssed? This is really em-barrah-ssing”.

Never buying communal essentials

What happened to being a team? It’s a shared house, so I don’t understand why we should have five different washing up liquids in the kitchen, but no toilet rolls anywhere. If you use the last bit of toilet roll, go and buy more! It’s even worse when one housemate refuses to buy something because they “bought some kitchen roll” four weeks ago. You would rather not brush your teeth for a couple days because you don’t want to buy it yourself, I thought the whole fun of living in a shared house is that you’re sharing with friends?

Thinking it’s okay to steal things – but won’t share

The hypocrisy is so loud. First of all, it’s just rude to ignorantly eat someone’s food or constantly use their things like chargers, hairdryers, makeup – the list goes on. You end up constantly forgetting where your own things are, and nine times out of ten the item you’re looking for is locked away in your flatmate’s room. God forbid they’ve gone home for the weekend with half of your wardrobe in their suitcase.

The funniest thing about these types of flatmates though, is that you’d expect them to be the most generous people in the world to compensate for borrowing your things on the daily, but I guess we thought wrong. Guaranteed the first time you ever ask them for something they’ll respond with a big fat no. I can’t even.

Being stingy with their rent

This is a bit of a niche one for all the second, third and final years out there, but it makes no sense when people claim that they should pay less rent this month because they were away for the weekend, or had one less shower than everyone else. Okay, and? This just makes things so complicated, and now everyone’s getting the impression you don’t wash, gross.

Hoarding all the communal spaces

We all have our own rooms to keep our stuff in, so tell me why a half your wardrobe is on the kitchen table, there’s makeup next to the TV, and your ID is stuck between the gaps of the couch?

Always inviting people over

I vaguely knew what I was getting into when agreed to live with five girls, but who is this random person in the house again? Especially late at night night when my room is right next to yours and I can hear just about everything…

It goes the other way with platonic friends; they knock on the door uninvited, making awkward small talk until the other housemate shows up to claim them. It’s fine every once and a while but how has this one day sleepover turned into a week? I don’t know how you can manage fitting three people in that queen bed, but I’m impressed. I’ll start charging them all rent if they’re not careful x

Making a racket after midnight

Please just have some decency – I know it’s fun to come home after a night out and scream, shout, and giggle, but now I’m awake at four in the morning and most likely getting FOMO because I didn’t make it out. Just imagine, it’s like coming home to your parents’ house, it’s just unfair to everyone else.

Passive-aggressively texting the group chat

Who taught my flatmates to text in such a professional, petty, patronising way instead of speaking to me in person? It’s like  working in hospitality again when you get the “gentle reminder” message on the group chat. I understand how some people don’t like confrontation, but why the main group chat and why are you messaging me so passive-aggressively? It’s a million times worse when they start complaining about washing in the dryer, or plates on the side, when you know full well that they’re a culprit of the exact same thing.

Blaming everything on the house ghost

No, that mess isn’t mine! I wonder who spilt this coconut milk on the counter, because it definitely wasn’t the flat ghost. I think I underestimated how defensive everyone gets when they’re sharing a house, because not a single person will want to own up to the mess they’ve made – but it will mysteriously disappear the morning after your flat meeting to complain about the state of the kitchen.

If you feel personally called out by any of these, then we can guarantee that at one stage you’ve officially been the nightmare flatmate. Or hey, maybe you’re relieved that none of these sins are yours, which I find unlikely to believe. Either way, living in a shared house is all about teamwork and respect. Sure, nobody’s perfect, but if you recognise yourself in more than a couple of these points, it might be time for some soul-searching (and maybe a mop).

Remember, being a decent flat mate isn’t rocket science. Clean up your mess, buy some communal toilet roll, and for the love of everything, put away the pan. Your flatmates will thank you.